8w4d and catnaps

One of my friends compared the first trimester of pregnancy to being in a permanent state of hangover. The fuzzy head, the tiredness, the dehydration that causes the brain to shrink away from the skull slightly, giving a headache. And of course the sick feeling you might also enjoy after a good night out.

A pretty good comparison, of course except that this feeling is not associated with over indulgence of alcohol, but by a little embryo going through crucial changes. Within this trimester the embryo has the most rapid rate of growth and development taking place. No wonder I am so tired!

I spend the days sleeping in between preparing Christmas dinner for 17 people. Or rather, making dinner preparations between cat naps on the sofa. The cats love it, always one of them quick to curl up with me on the sofa and keep my belly nice and warm!

A Christmas food tradition

I first got acquainted with panettone when I lived in Brazil and I loved it from the start. Best described as a sweet yeast bread chock-full of plump raisins and candied peel, it is aromatic and elegantly sweet, the perfect companion to a cup of milky coffee.

Northern Italian immigrants brought panettone to Brazil, or panettoni as it is pronounced there. Like in its native Italy, panettone is traditionally eaten around Christmas and New Year.

With its popularity on the rise here, it is quite easy to find panettone in the shops. In fact our local deli has shelves and shelves stacked high with original Italian panettone. Tried and tasted of course. Nice enough, but not so fluffy and not so melt-in-the-mouth as the panettone from Brazilian brand Bauducco. Of course, purists might disagree.

So you can imagine my happiness on the day that Jonny picked up some Brazilian panettone from a Portuguese shop not far from our house! Absolutely scrumptious! And this year we've bought extra stock - who can resist panettone bread and butter pudding on a cold January evening?

7w6d and hunger overdrive

One of my favourite children books of all time is the Very Hungry Caterpillar. It tells the story of a ravenous caterpillar's path as he eats his way through one apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, three plums on Wednesday, and so on, through cherry pie and sausage - until he is really fat and has a stomach ache. And then he rests for two weeks and turns into a beautiful butterfly.

At the moment I feel a bit like the caterpillar. I am permanently hungry. Although I have always had a good appetite, I now think about food all the time. Straight after dinner, I consider my next snack, people in a restaurant scene on telly set my hunger off and I even managed to dream about food last night. Tables and tables of cakes and donuts featured in my dream. A very sweet dream indeed!

Even feeling nauseous has not put me off my food. In fact it makes me want to eat, since that is a sure way for the nausea to go away. Unlike the caterpillar it seems not to be the healthy fruit and veg that I crave though. I want carbs and cheese. Bring on the pizza, bread and cookies!

Permanent hunger is apparently a feature of the first trimester. I can't really blame the bloated belly on the 1+ cm embryo yet. But it is much more fun to blame my pregnancy for my bloated belly than that extra piece of pie!

7w2d, a sigh of relief and a smile

Late Friday morning we returned to Bronovo Hospital (where we continue to be pleasantly surprised by the quality of staff) for our second official ultrasound scan at seven weeks and two days.

We were both nervous about this scan. The two weeks since the last official scan had not been without their events, with Flo cramping and bleeding mid way through. And although the cramps and the bleeding had stopped, there's always a niggle in your mind wondering as to why they've stopped... dark thoughts inevitably enter your mind and you begin to doubt the success of the pregnancy.

Flo and I are not very compatible when we're both nervous. I have a tendency to make jokes and fool around a little. Flo on the other hand becomes über serious. It takes serious concentration to not get annoyed with one another, but it's something that we've learnt to deal with over the years... there comes a point when we both suddenly realise that we're both nervous and we instantly acknowledge and accept one another's behaviour, the annoying frowns melting into understanding smiles. It's not always been that way... we've grown up an awful lot since we met... and a good job too since it's becoming increasingly likely that we're going to be parents.


The picture above shows our 1.03 cm long foetus, at the centre-right of the picture. It's more than tripled in size in the past two weeks and Flo's body continues to adapt itself to accommodate continued growth at a similar rate. You can imagine how relieved we were to see that everything looks good. But we got a special treat this time round. Not only could we see the tiny little heart pumping away, but we got to hear it too!


Unfortunately you can't hear it in the picture above, but you can see the trace of the heart beat to the right of the scan and you'll just have to trust me that it was a healthy sounding 120 beats per minute.

It's really starting to dawn on me now... I'm going to be Dad... and I'm not in the slightest bit worried about it... I'm really looking forward to it! It's already having an impact on my life... I find myself almost unconsciously factoring in the child into decision making about the future. It's becoming increasingly real!

Flo's response was of course pretty predictable. A big smile followed by tears. But as predictable as it is, it never fails to induce me to give her a kiss and a big hug. I'm proud of my wifey.

6w3d good news and some drama

Last night one of our friends exclaimed that I was leaking. He was actually referring to the steady flood of tears coming from my eyes. It is true. I cry. A lot. I saw a 3-year old on TV who had fallen down the stairs and whose sobbing was heart-rending and I cried with him. I cry at kind cards we receive and at sweet messages. I am so so emotionally incontinent.

When I called the hospital yesterday afternoon and told them about the persistent stitch-like pain in my right abdomen, I cried too. In pain, worried and upset. My very sweet gynaecologist told me this was no way to enter a weekend and asked me to come and see her. So I did. And I saw a tiny flicker at the screen. A tiny courageous little flicker. We have a heartbeat!! Still too early to hear, but it was definitely there!

The stitch-like pain? She had no indication of it being anything bad. It could be my appendix, it could be sac two wondering off for a stroll. Who knows? She did tell me to get in touch again if the pain got worse or if I started bleeding. Which happened only a few hours later.

All geared up for the Christmas party we were invited to, I started to have debilitating cramps. Sort of unable-to-move-or-talk-cramps. And then there was blood. Fresh red blood. But I did not cry. I just called the hospital and explained the situation. They told us to come around.

So instead of going to the party, we went to the hospital. Nicely dressed (us), in high heels (me) and with hair and make-up done (me again, not Jonny). We did not know what to say to each other, both feeling a bit numb. Knowing that we would be able to feel something again after seeing the ultrasound.

And on a quiet Friday night on a Christmassy maternity ward, Jonny saw the heartbeat for the first time too. The registrar said the baby looked absolutely fine. The baby! The bleeding had stopped and she was unable to tell where the blood came from. It sometimes happens in early pregnancy, especially in IVF and ICSI pregnancies. She said it was nothing to worry about. But if we did we were always welcome to come back for some reassurance.

With big smiles on both our faces and Jonny's arms around me, we left the deserted hospital. Off to the party. Where indeed I started leaking. I was crying tears of relief, of happiness, of nerves. Not really jolly festive material, so we left the party again. With the knowledge that we have a tiny little heartbeat, that everything is okay. So far so good. Pfffew!