Sunday, 24 December 2006
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Wishing you good food, joyful company and few but thoughtful presents. Have a good one!
Friday, 22 December 2006
Taking the baby project to Belgium
We have a plan. We are taking the baby project to Belgium. In January we have an appoinment at the university hospital in Gent. For a second opinion and maybe even to do the treatment there. It is a little bit out of the way. But after getting the kitchen in England and the cats in Friesland, we think nothing of making our baby in Belgium.
I chose the hospital in Gent because they have experience with treating low responders. In general Belgian hospitals are more technically advanced and they are willing to try out more and different things. That might just be the right approach for our case.
To get in the mood we have another "matinette" at breakfast. Little thin slices of chocolate, that Belgians eat like we eat our hagelslag. But posher. There is a certain joie de vivre about the whole breakfast experience.
It feels good to have a plan. And it is almost January.
Wednesday, 20 December 2006
Thinking about it
We have not written about le projet néné a lot lately. Also between ourselves there are days that we don't talk about it. In fact sometimes days go by without us mentioning babies. Days that we are too busy with work, the house or simply our day to day lives. However, it does not mean it is not on our minds. There is just not a lot that we can say about it, other than all the things we have said a thousand times before. It is enough to know that the other thinks about it.
Sunday, 17 December 2006
Seventy boxes down, ten to go
Or something like that... We have definitely unpacked a lot of boxes in the last few months and we are slowly getting to the last one.The main reason for not having unpacked everything yet, boils down to simply not having enough space to put the contents away. Which really seems a bit strange, considering we live in a bigger house than we did before.
I contribute that to the lack of built-in cupboards and not at all to the fact that we seem to find other stuff to do than unpack boxes, organise the house and paint the woodwork... Add the fact that we seem to have a rather high tolerance for mess and you get the picture.
However, there are moments that we think that we really need to get a move on. The knowledge that we will have twelve dinner guests for Christmas for example. So yesterday Jonny installed the new glass shelves above our pimped dresser.
Beautiful glass shelves imported from England. Long live the internet and mail order. They hold all our cups, glasses, teas and drinks perfectly. It looks like we have a little bar in our kitchen. An organised little bar for that matter. We are well pleased with it!
Monday, 11 December 2006
My first Christmas hamper
When I was little, my dad used to get a Christmas hamper from work. On the day he brought it home, I eagerly waited for him, excited with anticipation. He was always sweet enough to let me, the youngest child, help him unwrap the package and scrutinize the contents. The box of After Eight! The jar of paté! The Christmas napkins! Regardless of the contents always being sort of predictable, I thought it was so much fun!
Now I am all grown-up (well, sort of) and today I got my first very own Christmas hamper. Not bad after only a week at my new job! It was good fun opening it, but the contents remain unopened for the time being. Our stomachs are still a bit feeble after the mussel adventure...
Sunday, 10 December 2006
Don't force things- especially closed mussels
My paternal grandmother was born in the Dutch province of Zeeland, the coastal province famous for it's oysters and mussels. She loved all fish and seafood. Her love for oysters skipped a generation, but both my dad and me like mussels. Add the fact that Jonny mentioned only last weekend that I never make mussels. Pronto, enough reasons to make Zeeuwse mussels for the alternative Sinterklaas dinner with my parents. We did last Tuesday. We are all still struggling with the aftermath.
We all know not to open closed mussels when cooked. And ALL mussel recipes stress the fact that mussels that don't close when washed should not be cooked. Let alone be eaten. That is true, very true indeed. In fact, it is one of life's important lessons.
However, the guy from the reputable fish shop in Scheveningen insisted otherwise. Upon my phone call saying there were lots of mussels that wouldn't close when washed, he said that is a widespread misconception. It is just important to not force any cooked mussels open. Or so he said. Our stomachs proved otherwise.
Funnily enough, the mussels a la bouillabaisse tasted quite nice. The effect of the little bacteria with the tongue-twisting name that came with it, was a lot less nice. The four of us got sick. Symptoms varied a bit, as did the speed at which they developed (we compared notes). I will not bore you with the exact physical details, but it was not pretty. And a bit messy.
I always thought that symptoms of food poisoning would occur within 24 hours after eating contaminated food and would only last a day or two. That must also be a widespread misconception. We still feel weak five days later. Weak and a little bit embarrassed.
Monday, 4 December 2006
Campari Light
Sounds like a sugar free, alcohol free aperative? No, it's the latest edition chezcorcutt!
After waiting weeks for delivery, they finally arrived on Saturday. We couldn't wait to go and collect them and I fitted them that evening. And here they are... courtesy of my parents who kindly donated them as our house warming gift. I hope that they will agree that they look better in real life than in the pictures... they light the kitchen perfectly and give a nice warm red glow to the rest of the room.
We're really happy with them (and so is Boris)!
After waiting weeks for delivery, they finally arrived on Saturday. We couldn't wait to go and collect them and I fitted them that evening. And here they are... courtesy of my parents who kindly donated them as our house warming gift. I hope that they will agree that they look better in real life than in the pictures... they light the kitchen perfectly and give a nice warm red glow to the rest of the room.
We're really happy with them (and so is Boris)!
Still in the running...
The older I get, the more weary I become of the medical industry. Don't get me wrong, I continue to marvel at the technological advances that continue to be forged. I'm referring more to the general competence of the middle echelons; the general practioners and consultants that interface between the medical industry and the patient.
Today, Flo and I went to visit the gynaecologist at the hospital. We went knowing that his purpose was to inform us that they wanted to discontinue our fertility treatment. Quite frankly, we were not prepared to stop. Of course, we're not prepared to give up on our dream to give birth to our own child, but this is not what is driving this decision.
Those that know me are probably aware that I'm driven predominantly by logic. I do have emotions, but I'm shit at dealing with them... almost to the point of incompetence. In certain circumstances, my emotional incompetence can be very disabling. However, my logical mind can be very useful at times and dealing with obstinate doctors is such an occasion.
The doctor's decision to discontinue our treatment was based on a number of facts and made using their professional interpretation of these facts, with a big slice of subjectivity thrown in. Unfortunately, a number of the facts on which they had made this decision were simply wrong. Most significantly (and shockingly), the doctors were of the opinion that Flo had endometriosis. This is simply not true, since the operation that Flo had recently proved that she did not have endometriosis, but instead a corpus luteum cyst. I think the gynaecologist that we saw was as shocked to discover this (despite it being in our notes) as we were to discover that he thought this.
We had quite a heated discussion with the gynecologist. We tried to determine his driver to discontinue the treatment. His response was that they didn't think it was worth continuing. We asked him why he didn't think it was worth continuing, but his only response seemed to be that this was his professional opinion. We pressed harder... asking if the decision was driven by money, medical risk or statistics. He gave a lengthy argument about it not being driven by money. Fair enough. He said that there's no evidence to suggest that the treatment has medical risks, although pointed out that there's only 22 years of data (IVF started back in the late eighties) and so there's still uncertainty here. Agreed. Then came the statistics... what I meant with that was whether the chances of success were so low that they tended to zero. However, he interpreted it as meaning the hospital's success rates and the national IVF hospital rankings, which I thought was quite telling. He said that if statistics drove the decision that they'd turn away lots of couples. The answer was suitably vague and, despite being pressed several more times, he did not give a satisfactory explanation as to what drove the decision process. I'm left thinking that the hospital would rather treat people with a higher chance of success than us and that if there was a waiting list for ICSI treatment, we'd continually be bumped to the bottom of it.
Our driver is very simple. The chance of us conceiving normally is in the region of 0.01%. This means that it's improbable that we will naturally have our own child. With ICSI treatment, the chance of us having our own child is increased in the order of a thousand times. Therefore, the chance of conceiving increases from 0.01% to something in the region of 10%.
Ask a dying man if he wants to try a very affordable procedure that has limited side effects and a 10% chance of success of leading a normal healthy lifestyle and that if it didn't work the first time, then he could keep on trying until either it worked or he ran out of time. I bet I know what he'd say (assuming that he didn't want to die).
By the end of the consultation, I think the gynaecologist agreed that there was insufficient medical evidence to discontinue the treatment yet. He therefore scheduled to see us again in two months time in order carry out some more tests to see how Flo's body is performing. He agreed that the bodies performance peaks and troughs and that Flo's body may be operating in a trough at the moment (particularly in view of the surgery that Flo recently undertook and the temporary effects that this might be having on her fertility).
The consultation ended with him taking a quick look at Flo's reproductive organs with the ultrasound scanner. I think he was quite surprised with what he saw.
The reason Flo asked to be checked out is because she's been feeling some discomfort recently. It turns out that she has a large cyst on one of her ovaries. Her good ovary in fact (not the one that was operated on, but the one that has been producing the follicles during the recent ICSI treatments). However, what surprised him was that the other ovary, the one that has been dormant recently, was now showing three or four healthy looking follicles. He also commented that Flo's endometrium was looking perfect... nice and thick. If it wasn't for the cyst, then things looked good for another ICSI attempt in fact.
The implication from this is that, if the cyst goes away, Flo could well have another three or four follicles on the ovary that currently has the cyst. Therefore, on a good cycle, it would appear that Flo is capable of producing seven or eight good follicles, which means that the chances of successful fertilisation would be back to average (around 30%).
This would therefore lend weight to one of Flo's earlier comments... maybe they're not very good at stimulating rather than Flo not reacting well to stimulation.
We left the consultation feeling very frustrated; we shouldn't have to argue with the doctors to convince them to continue with fertilisation treatment. We're fast loosing confidence with the hospital, but we're kind of happy that, despite the gynaecologist having a negative outlook when he entered the consultation, he left seemingly optimistic (although I get the distinct impression that he doen't like us... how dare we question his professional medical opinion!). We're happy that we convinced him that there's still reason to remain optimistic about continuing the treatment... there's still hope!
Today, Flo and I went to visit the gynaecologist at the hospital. We went knowing that his purpose was to inform us that they wanted to discontinue our fertility treatment. Quite frankly, we were not prepared to stop. Of course, we're not prepared to give up on our dream to give birth to our own child, but this is not what is driving this decision.
Those that know me are probably aware that I'm driven predominantly by logic. I do have emotions, but I'm shit at dealing with them... almost to the point of incompetence. In certain circumstances, my emotional incompetence can be very disabling. However, my logical mind can be very useful at times and dealing with obstinate doctors is such an occasion.
The doctor's decision to discontinue our treatment was based on a number of facts and made using their professional interpretation of these facts, with a big slice of subjectivity thrown in. Unfortunately, a number of the facts on which they had made this decision were simply wrong. Most significantly (and shockingly), the doctors were of the opinion that Flo had endometriosis. This is simply not true, since the operation that Flo had recently proved that she did not have endometriosis, but instead a corpus luteum cyst. I think the gynaecologist that we saw was as shocked to discover this (despite it being in our notes) as we were to discover that he thought this.
We had quite a heated discussion with the gynecologist. We tried to determine his driver to discontinue the treatment. His response was that they didn't think it was worth continuing. We asked him why he didn't think it was worth continuing, but his only response seemed to be that this was his professional opinion. We pressed harder... asking if the decision was driven by money, medical risk or statistics. He gave a lengthy argument about it not being driven by money. Fair enough. He said that there's no evidence to suggest that the treatment has medical risks, although pointed out that there's only 22 years of data (IVF started back in the late eighties) and so there's still uncertainty here. Agreed. Then came the statistics... what I meant with that was whether the chances of success were so low that they tended to zero. However, he interpreted it as meaning the hospital's success rates and the national IVF hospital rankings, which I thought was quite telling. He said that if statistics drove the decision that they'd turn away lots of couples. The answer was suitably vague and, despite being pressed several more times, he did not give a satisfactory explanation as to what drove the decision process. I'm left thinking that the hospital would rather treat people with a higher chance of success than us and that if there was a waiting list for ICSI treatment, we'd continually be bumped to the bottom of it.
Our driver is very simple. The chance of us conceiving normally is in the region of 0.01%. This means that it's improbable that we will naturally have our own child. With ICSI treatment, the chance of us having our own child is increased in the order of a thousand times. Therefore, the chance of conceiving increases from 0.01% to something in the region of 10%.
Ask a dying man if he wants to try a very affordable procedure that has limited side effects and a 10% chance of success of leading a normal healthy lifestyle and that if it didn't work the first time, then he could keep on trying until either it worked or he ran out of time. I bet I know what he'd say (assuming that he didn't want to die).
By the end of the consultation, I think the gynaecologist agreed that there was insufficient medical evidence to discontinue the treatment yet. He therefore scheduled to see us again in two months time in order carry out some more tests to see how Flo's body is performing. He agreed that the bodies performance peaks and troughs and that Flo's body may be operating in a trough at the moment (particularly in view of the surgery that Flo recently undertook and the temporary effects that this might be having on her fertility).
The consultation ended with him taking a quick look at Flo's reproductive organs with the ultrasound scanner. I think he was quite surprised with what he saw.
The reason Flo asked to be checked out is because she's been feeling some discomfort recently. It turns out that she has a large cyst on one of her ovaries. Her good ovary in fact (not the one that was operated on, but the one that has been producing the follicles during the recent ICSI treatments). However, what surprised him was that the other ovary, the one that has been dormant recently, was now showing three or four healthy looking follicles. He also commented that Flo's endometrium was looking perfect... nice and thick. If it wasn't for the cyst, then things looked good for another ICSI attempt in fact.
The implication from this is that, if the cyst goes away, Flo could well have another three or four follicles on the ovary that currently has the cyst. Therefore, on a good cycle, it would appear that Flo is capable of producing seven or eight good follicles, which means that the chances of successful fertilisation would be back to average (around 30%).
This would therefore lend weight to one of Flo's earlier comments... maybe they're not very good at stimulating rather than Flo not reacting well to stimulation.
We left the consultation feeling very frustrated; we shouldn't have to argue with the doctors to convince them to continue with fertilisation treatment. We're fast loosing confidence with the hospital, but we're kind of happy that, despite the gynaecologist having a negative outlook when he entered the consultation, he left seemingly optimistic (although I get the distinct impression that he doen't like us... how dare we question his professional medical opinion!). We're happy that we convinced him that there's still reason to remain optimistic about continuing the treatment... there's still hope!
Saturday, 2 December 2006
Lekker Hollands
A Dutch girl at heart, I like Dutch food. I don't necessarily mean pepernoten, drop and stroopwafels, although I like those too, but proper food. Nothing beats slowly stewed red cabbage with apples in the winter or double-shelled broad beans in June.Chef cook Yolanda van der Jagt worked abroad for four years. She was one of Jamie Oliver's colleagues during his early days at the River Cafe and worked at Chez Panisse in the States. She came back here and wrote a cook book: Lekker Hollands. She likes to work with typical Dutch products and seasonal ingredients.
Her love for (preferably organic) vegetables shows in Lekker Hollands. Grilled chicory with a bacon vinaigrette, roasted hutspot with white beans, stewed leeks with aniseed.... The recipes are sort of a re-interpretation of the Dutch kitchen. Despite what cultural pessimists might say, we do have a culinary heritage we can be proud of. This books shows it.
Thursday, 30 November 2006
Pimp my dresser
I am a big fan of Marktplaats. This Dutch daughter website of Ebay helped us get rid of a lot of stuff when we moved. I also really like the idea of recycling and making money doing so.The first thing ever I sold on there were steel toed boots from Jonny. He had had those boots as long as we were together and some more, but never wore them. It turned out they never fit him properly, they were too big. Now Henk in the north east of Groningen is the proud owner of some vintage Reebok boots. He's happy, we're happy.
When we couldn't find a dresser to fit the kitchen wall, we decided to have a look on Marktplaats too. And last week we have acquired our first item: a semi-antique wooden dresser. I have since customised it with porcelain Delft Blue drawer handles. So now we have a lot more storage space in the kitchen and it was cheaper than Ikea!
Monday, 27 November 2006
Little Otto
Kata and Arian's baby son Otto was born on 24 November after only 23 weeks gestation. He was too small and too vulnerable to stay alive outside his mother's womb. He only lived for four magical minutes.
It makes us painfully aware that a model pregnancy is just a step to a healthy baby. We once again realise how special and fragile life is. I wish so badly that they could have had many more moments with their son. Life is really not fair.
It makes us painfully aware that a model pregnancy is just a step to a healthy baby. We once again realise how special and fragile life is. I wish so badly that they could have had many more moments with their son. Life is really not fair.
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
You gotta move!
Today was my first day as project manager/assistant editor in chief/publishing manager at a publishing company. They are in the middle of a big reorganisation at the moment so most job titles are currently being reviewed. I am going to help them out with a few different projects in the next four to six months.
I spent half a day at a nice country estate discussing the launch of a new product. A very good way to meet a few of my new colleagues and get back in the work pace. There is a lot of work to be done so they were happy to have me aboard. And I am looking forward to starting properly soon!
I spent half a day at a nice country estate discussing the launch of a new product. A very good way to meet a few of my new colleagues and get back in the work pace. There is a lot of work to be done so they were happy to have me aboard. And I am looking forward to starting properly soon!
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
The train is still moving...
I said before that we don't take bad news too well. Maybe I should clarify that. When somebody tells us that something can't be done, we see a challenge. The message from the hospital that they couldn't do anything for us anymore took us by surprise. It felt like a blow and we went down for a little. But by no means it knocked us out. We were distressed to say the least, but soon we got up. Ready for the next round.
The next round is in the beginning of December when we have a follow-up meeting with the gynaecologist. For my own good I prefer not to question their competences and integrity at this point in time. I like to think that they are not in this business to make money or get a great success rate published - they want to help us get pregnant and that is the basic goal.
If our goals indeed are aligned, I am sure I would benefit from a different protocol. With the help of Dr Google and my online buddies I came up with the best protocol for low responders. Basically it consists of less surpression, more stimulation. This is something I would like to propose. If for whatever reason our ideas turn out to differ, then it is time to consider Plan B.
Plan B might involve suing the hospital (is there such a thing as a right to have infertility treatment?), get a second opinion in a different hospital or seriously consider alternatives. Although we have discussed alternatives, given my age and the quality of our embryos so far, we think we have not explored the current route to the max yet. So that is what we will do before we move on.
We just wish this process were easier sometimes. But then again, we were never in it for the easy ride!
The next round is in the beginning of December when we have a follow-up meeting with the gynaecologist. For my own good I prefer not to question their competences and integrity at this point in time. I like to think that they are not in this business to make money or get a great success rate published - they want to help us get pregnant and that is the basic goal.
If our goals indeed are aligned, I am sure I would benefit from a different protocol. With the help of Dr Google and my online buddies I came up with the best protocol for low responders. Basically it consists of less surpression, more stimulation. This is something I would like to propose. If for whatever reason our ideas turn out to differ, then it is time to consider Plan B.
Plan B might involve suing the hospital (is there such a thing as a right to have infertility treatment?), get a second opinion in a different hospital or seriously consider alternatives. Although we have discussed alternatives, given my age and the quality of our embryos so far, we think we have not explored the current route to the max yet. So that is what we will do before we move on.
We just wish this process were easier sometimes. But then again, we were never in it for the easy ride!
Monday, 20 November 2006
Our favourite icon
In case of any of you wondered about the sudden appearance of the favicon that came with the updated design of our blog, it is a Summerbird Fløderbolle. We came across this delightful Danish delicacy when we were in Copenhagen last September.The handmade Fløderbolle is a very distant relative of the snowball. It consist of two layers of the finest Trinidad pure chocolate, homogeneous marshmallow cream and a marzipan base. It looks like an oddball, but it leaves its cheap mass-produced relatives light years behind.
It is made by the small Danish Summerbird boutique. They adhere to the principle of quality over quantity. No glitzy interior design, no elaborate marketing campaigns, no flash in the proverbial pan - just pure, freshly made chocolates and marzipan prepared tastefully and presented simply.
As I completely endorse the quality over quantity principle, I was in Flø heaven!
Friday, 17 November 2006
Ready to give up on us
We had the IVF evaluation at the hospital yesterday and the message was blunt. There is nothing that they can do for us anymore. I do not react well to the hormones and they do not see any added value of putting me through another IVF cycle. The doctor compaired doing a cycle with us having sex. Changes of our own child are really low either way.
I do not agree. First of all it is a lot more fun when we have sex and a zillion times more romantic. The whole IVF concept is pretty weird, come to think of it. Making a baby is supposed to be something intimate, something of two people together. When it didn't work that way for us, we soon put all inhibitions aside. Suddenly a lot more people were involved in the making of our baby. Voila, the baby project was born.
Second, our indication is severe male factor. In order words, the sperms will not penetrate the egg cells on their own. Ever (Jonny says that technically this is possible, but the chances are very very slim). ICSI is a way to overcome this problem. This means there is definitely added value in doing the treatment. Even with a small number of eggs. After all, embryo quality has been okay and one good embryo is all it takes. A small chance is still a chance.
Despite liking the more personal approach of this hospital, so far we have nothing to show for it. I have been labeled as being a poor ovarian responder, based on one FSH reading (it varies from month to month), after an operation that turned out to be unneccesary (my left ovary has refused to function since) and one and a half IVF cycles. I do not react well to surpression. Or too well if you like. I am sure that I would respond better on a different protocol. In fact it might be the doctors who are poor ovarian stimulators.
We do not react well to bad news either.... Can we just doubt their professional and objective opinions? Are we turning obsessive? Have we turned into sour cynics if we question their motivation and think that their success rates might be a factor? We are not quite sure what to do next. Try again with IVF #4? A new clinic? Donor eggs? Adoption? Give up?
One thing we are quite sure about: we are not ready to give up!
I do not agree. First of all it is a lot more fun when we have sex and a zillion times more romantic. The whole IVF concept is pretty weird, come to think of it. Making a baby is supposed to be something intimate, something of two people together. When it didn't work that way for us, we soon put all inhibitions aside. Suddenly a lot more people were involved in the making of our baby. Voila, the baby project was born.
Second, our indication is severe male factor. In order words, the sperms will not penetrate the egg cells on their own. Ever (Jonny says that technically this is possible, but the chances are very very slim). ICSI is a way to overcome this problem. This means there is definitely added value in doing the treatment. Even with a small number of eggs. After all, embryo quality has been okay and one good embryo is all it takes. A small chance is still a chance.
Despite liking the more personal approach of this hospital, so far we have nothing to show for it. I have been labeled as being a poor ovarian responder, based on one FSH reading (it varies from month to month), after an operation that turned out to be unneccesary (my left ovary has refused to function since) and one and a half IVF cycles. I do not react well to surpression. Or too well if you like. I am sure that I would respond better on a different protocol. In fact it might be the doctors who are poor ovarian stimulators.
We do not react well to bad news either.... Can we just doubt their professional and objective opinions? Are we turning obsessive? Have we turned into sour cynics if we question their motivation and think that their success rates might be a factor? We are not quite sure what to do next. Try again with IVF #4? A new clinic? Donor eggs? Adoption? Give up?
One thing we are quite sure about: we are not ready to give up!
Sunday, 12 November 2006
Homely
I've been promising peeps an update on the house for weeks now... and finally... here it is. Well, sort of. The house is currently in a bit of a state of flux, still unfinished in parts and still with lots of unpacked boxes from the move. Slowly but surely, we're getting there. Boxes are slowly disappearing as we either throw things away, find places to store them or Flo manages to sell them on Marktplaats.nl.
Thanks to my Dad, we officially have a garden, since it now has plants. And Boris and Boika love it! They particularly enjoy grass, which shows that they've integrated well into Dutch society.
My Daddy will be pleased to see that we've hung the bird table (quite literally, with a neat, tidy, thirteen wraps hangman knot) and we've attached trestles to the wall to assist the climbing plants.
Inside, we've managed to remove most of the rubbish that had collected at the front of the house, which leaves us with lots of space to park our bikes and store unpacked boxes. And it's now very light at the front of the house, since the newspaper has been finally been removed from the front window and replaced with some semi-transparent foil, which lets some light shine through, but prevents people from being able to see in. Boris is particularly fond of this new arrangement since it gives him the opportunity to keep an eye on the world... I suppose it's his equivalent to the world wide web.
There's not a whole lot to report for the rest of the house. A solution for the floor at the front is being chased and should be closed out by mid January, we're waiting for a quote for blinds and curtains and the stainless steel counter for the kitchen should have arrived within a couple of weeks, but has been delayed until January. So, looks like the house warming party will turn out to be a joint Jonny and Flo birthday party too.
Despite the house not being completely finished, it already feels much more homely than our previous rented house. Despite the clutter and mess, we're able to get on with our day to day lives and as we'd hoped, the layout of the new house feels much more sociable than before, since we're invariably within eye contact or at least audible range, which makes us feel like we're together, even when we're busy doing our separate things.
The kitties appear to be settling in and relaxing in the new home. They particularly seem to enjoy the floor heating, since it means they're happy to slump pretty much anywhere on the floor and feel warm. They sit and stay close to us... so we're one big happy family!
Thanks to my Dad, we officially have a garden, since it now has plants. And Boris and Boika love it! They particularly enjoy grass, which shows that they've integrated well into Dutch society.
My Daddy will be pleased to see that we've hung the bird table (quite literally, with a neat, tidy, thirteen wraps hangman knot) and we've attached trestles to the wall to assist the climbing plants.Inside, we've managed to remove most of the rubbish that had collected at the front of the house, which leaves us with lots of space to park our bikes and store unpacked boxes. And it's now very light at the front of the house, since the newspaper has been finally been removed from the front window and replaced with some semi-transparent foil, which lets some light shine through, but prevents people from being able to see in. Boris is particularly fond of this new arrangement since it gives him the opportunity to keep an eye on the world... I suppose it's his equivalent to the world wide web.
There's not a whole lot to report for the rest of the house. A solution for the floor at the front is being chased and should be closed out by mid January, we're waiting for a quote for blinds and curtains and the stainless steel counter for the kitchen should have arrived within a couple of weeks, but has been delayed until January. So, looks like the house warming party will turn out to be a joint Jonny and Flo birthday party too.
Despite the house not being completely finished, it already feels much more homely than our previous rented house. Despite the clutter and mess, we're able to get on with our day to day lives and as we'd hoped, the layout of the new house feels much more sociable than before, since we're invariably within eye contact or at least audible range, which makes us feel like we're together, even when we're busy doing our separate things.
The kitties appear to be settling in and relaxing in the new home. They particularly seem to enjoy the floor heating, since it means they're happy to slump pretty much anywhere on the floor and feel warm. They sit and stay close to us... so we're one big happy family!
Thursday, 9 November 2006
Over already
After bleeding for 10 days solid into this cycle, I decided to call the hospital yesterday and ask for the ultrasound to be done before Friday. No need to waste any more drugs, time and energy if this was likely not to work. The nurse agreed.
One lone egg. That was all the ultrasound showed this morning. Although we sort of prepared ourselves for this outcome, it is still disheartening. We hoped that the higher dose would somehow do the trick. But after taking an entire mountain of drugs and some more (I had to buy two more boxes of Gonal-F to get me through 14 days of stimulation), all I have is one egg. The same egg I naturally produce per month anyway.
Our third IVF cycle has officially been cancelled prior to retrieval due to poor response. Not worth it.
Oh, and I dropped my peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter side down. I am having such a crappy day.
One lone egg. That was all the ultrasound showed this morning. Although we sort of prepared ourselves for this outcome, it is still disheartening. We hoped that the higher dose would somehow do the trick. But after taking an entire mountain of drugs and some more (I had to buy two more boxes of Gonal-F to get me through 14 days of stimulation), all I have is one egg. The same egg I naturally produce per month anyway.
Our third IVF cycle has officially been cancelled prior to retrieval due to poor response. Not worth it.
Oh, and I dropped my peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter side down. I am having such a crappy day.
Wednesday, 8 November 2006
Oma Schuurman on TV
As a follow up to our previous post on Oma Schuurman's posthumous award, I managed to capture a short article that was broadcast on Dutch TV on the evening of the Yad Vashem ceremony (31st October, 2006).
It includes interviews with Tante Trix and with Alex Nathans (or little Dikkie Duinroos as he was known back then), as well as the grand daughters collecting the award on behalf of the family.
There's also footage of the pre-ceremony meal, with a large congregation of the Schuurman family from Canada and the Netherlands, as well as Alex's family that came over from Israel. If you look closely you can just about spot me and Flo in the background!
It was interesting to see a bit of Jewish culture first hand and an honour to be part of such an historical and rare event. Seeing so many of Flo's family and relatives together was a also real treat!
It includes interviews with Tante Trix and with Alex Nathans (or little Dikkie Duinroos as he was known back then), as well as the grand daughters collecting the award on behalf of the family.
There's also footage of the pre-ceremony meal, with a large congregation of the Schuurman family from Canada and the Netherlands, as well as Alex's family that came over from Israel. If you look closely you can just about spot me and Flo in the background!
It was interesting to see a bit of Jewish culture first hand and an honour to be part of such an historical and rare event. Seeing so many of Flo's family and relatives together was a also real treat!
Tuesday, 7 November 2006
Answers on comments
For everybody that is not interested in detailed medical information: please skip this post. We will be back soon with non-medical stories. Promise!
One commenter, Ilse, wanted to know what drugs and what dosis we are on. For her and for anybody else who is interested in the infertility saga so far), this is our history:
IVF/ICSI #1 Gonal-F, Decapeptyl, Ovitrelle 5 eggs, 3 fertilised, 2 put back, -ve
IVF/ICSI #2 Menopur, Decapeptyl, Pregnyl 2 eggs, 1 fertilised, 1 put back, -ve
I am now on the long protocol, started on 225IU and then with a higher dosage of stimulation: 300 IU Gonal-F. Plus first one shot and now 1/2 a shot of Decapeptyl a day. The cycle was preceded by 2-3 weeks of birth controls to quiet my ovaries down. We since found out that, unlike stimulation, I respond extremely well to surpression. More on that later.
Dr. Google told us that Gonal-F might work better for poor responders like me. One because it is synthetic. Some women react better to that. Two because it only contains one hormone (FSH) and not another hormone (LH) as well. This should work wonders for egg quality.
Which brings me to another subject. The one of egg quantity versus quality. That is an interesting one. Unfortunately poor response to hyperstimulation in IVF is generally indicative of the egg quality. So yes, we only need one egg, but the chances of that one getting us pregnant are slim.
I have heard a story of a woman who had 30 (!) follicles, but only one contained an egg. That one was fertilised and got her pregnant. Or embryos with poor grading sticking. Not to mention natural pregnancies when there was an ICSI-indication. It all happens. And I really hope we can be one of those urbans legends.
Another thing. I try not to worry about my uterine lining. At the moment it is too thin to be the home to an embryo. This is a side effect of the pill. It should not surprise me since I am still bleeding after more than a week, but is does disappoint me. I never had problems with my lining before. It was always a nice big cushion for the embryo to jump on.
This cycle is not looking the best so far, but we are not giving up. Yet, as the gyneacologist kindly remarked. It is just hard. Hard to give this cycle our full positive energy and cover ourselves for the potential disappointment at the same time. We really appreciate all the crossed fingers everywhere! Send any soothing, calming vibes you can our way!
One commenter, Ilse, wanted to know what drugs and what dosis we are on. For her and for anybody else who is interested in the infertility saga so far), this is our history:
IVF/ICSI #1 Gonal-F, Decapeptyl, Ovitrelle 5 eggs, 3 fertilised, 2 put back, -ve
IVF/ICSI #2 Menopur, Decapeptyl, Pregnyl 2 eggs, 1 fertilised, 1 put back, -ve
I am now on the long protocol, started on 225IU and then with a higher dosage of stimulation: 300 IU Gonal-F. Plus first one shot and now 1/2 a shot of Decapeptyl a day. The cycle was preceded by 2-3 weeks of birth controls to quiet my ovaries down. We since found out that, unlike stimulation, I respond extremely well to surpression. More on that later.
Dr. Google told us that Gonal-F might work better for poor responders like me. One because it is synthetic. Some women react better to that. Two because it only contains one hormone (FSH) and not another hormone (LH) as well. This should work wonders for egg quality.
Which brings me to another subject. The one of egg quantity versus quality. That is an interesting one. Unfortunately poor response to hyperstimulation in IVF is generally indicative of the egg quality. So yes, we only need one egg, but the chances of that one getting us pregnant are slim.
I have heard a story of a woman who had 30 (!) follicles, but only one contained an egg. That one was fertilised and got her pregnant. Or embryos with poor grading sticking. Not to mention natural pregnancies when there was an ICSI-indication. It all happens. And I really hope we can be one of those urbans legends.
Another thing. I try not to worry about my uterine lining. At the moment it is too thin to be the home to an embryo. This is a side effect of the pill. It should not surprise me since I am still bleeding after more than a week, but is does disappoint me. I never had problems with my lining before. It was always a nice big cushion for the embryo to jump on.
This cycle is not looking the best so far, but we are not giving up. Yet, as the gyneacologist kindly remarked. It is just hard. Hard to give this cycle our full positive energy and cover ourselves for the potential disappointment at the same time. We really appreciate all the crossed fingers everywhere! Send any soothing, calming vibes you can our way!
Monday, 6 November 2006
Lazy ovaries
I feel my ovaries. They feel like two little knots at either side of my body. That does not correspond with the images of the ultrasound this morning. After three weeks on the pill, 7 days of Decapeptyl and 5 days of Gonal-F, one follicle is the miserable result. ONE. That is exactly the same amount as we would get without stimulation during a natural cycle.
A disappointing result after so much effort. I was convinced that was the end of ICSI number three. But much to our surprise, the gynaecologist had another idea. She told us to increase the dosage of the follicle stimulant Gonal-F and decrease the Decapeptyl. Come back on Friday.
The fact that I feel my ovaries might be a good sign. There might be some small follicles lurking about, ready to join this round. I really hope that the increased dose of medication will do the job and kick my ovaries into high gear. We are not ready to give up yet.
A disappointing result after so much effort. I was convinced that was the end of ICSI number three. But much to our surprise, the gynaecologist had another idea. She told us to increase the dosage of the follicle stimulant Gonal-F and decrease the Decapeptyl. Come back on Friday.
The fact that I feel my ovaries might be a good sign. There might be some small follicles lurking about, ready to join this round. I really hope that the increased dose of medication will do the job and kick my ovaries into high gear. We are not ready to give up yet.
Friday, 3 November 2006
Tummy eggnog cocktail
After a couple of days of only taking Decapeptyl, last Tuesday we added the follicle stimulating hormones to the tummy cocktail. We use Gonal-F with the pen this time. Click and go. No more labaratoires chezcorcutt.I still don't like needles. There is lots of trembling and quivering going on at hormones time. At my end of the needle. I close my eyes and tremble and quiver before Jonny actually sticks the needles in me. My tummy itself seems to protest this time around. I am starting to look like a pin cushion.
It's not that bad really. We have made a little ritual out of it. Jonny is my needle master and I just lie back and try not to giggle. Giggling makes my tummy muscles tense up, so it hurts more. It's over within a few minutes. And I always get a big kiss from Jonny. Then we get on with the rest of our lives. Trying not to let the IVF take over too much.
On Monday 6 November we'll find out how many follicles are growing in me.
Wednesday, 1 November 2006
In memory of my dear courageous Oma
Yesterday my oma (grandmother) was honoured posthumously. During an official ceremony she was awarded the title Righteous Among the Nations by Yad Vashem. This honorary title is awarded to non-Jews who risked their lives during the holocaust to save Jews. My oma risked her live to save the live of Alex Nathans or little Dikkie Duinroos as he was called back then. On the picture she is holding baby Alex.Newborn baby Alex came to the farm in 1943 and stayed with my widowed grandmother and her twelve children until the end of the war. He called oma 'mother' and he had loads of big 'sisters' and 'brothers' who doted on the little boy. He simply became part of the family. The dangers involved in hiding him were never mentioned.
My oma risked her own life, freedom and safety and that of her family in order to save another life. Yet she did not want to be thanked, she did not consider herself to be courageous, let alone a heroine. She just considered it her obligation as a Christian to help a fellow human being in need.
The little boy grew up, got married and moved to Israel. He now has four children and six grandchildren of his own. He was grateful to my grandmother and first nominating an then awarding oma, was his way of saying thank you. A thank you for being there in times of need. Although everybody agreed that oma would thought the ceremony was unnecessary, seeing the big extended family together would have undoubtedly filled her heart with joy.
Alex, his wife and his children all attended the ceremony. Many of my Dutch family members were there and ten of my relatives even traveled from Canada to participate. When the three granddaughters named after oma received the medal with her name on it and the certificate of honour, I felt proud. Proud of my dear courageous oma, who made the future possible.
Monday, 30 October 2006
Hormones in a bag
We have a lovely big new fridge in our house. Stainless steel, double doors, lots of freezer space, special vegetable drawers, the whole shebang. Really, it would make any domestic goddess proud! And, no, it does not have an ice-machine. It is really not that hot here in the low lands.It has so many shelves and drawers that it could easily fit food for a family. To help us achieve that, I went out to get the new lot of fertility drugs today. A whole bag full of them. They now compete for shelve space with my homemade pesto and the delicious organic Cheddar my parents in law brought us. They have a different way of arriving in my tummy though!
Sunday, 29 October 2006
Lovely Sunday
Who can ask for a better way to spend a Sunday?
The clocks went back this morning, which straight away meant that we didn't have to feel guilty about having a lie in this morning. What would normally have been 11:30 am was instead 10:30 am... a perfectly respectible time to get up on a Sunday morning!
And then for breakfast, we treated ourselves to a cafe latte, freshly squeezed orange juice, the last of the season's raspberries and a cheese and ham toasty! I then treated myself to an eagerly awaited new toy... a MacBook on which I'm now writing this post (feeling very smug that I've got it all updated and running nicely after spending a day or so getting our new wireless network and ADSL connection sorted).
I'm actually feeling a bit merry. I've recently started to treat myself with an occassional glass of wine or a gin and tonic after spending about a year almost T-total (except for the occassional glass of champagne). I therefore allowed myself to attend the bi-annual wine tasting event organised by our excellent local delicatessen, Gransjean. With approximately 130 different wines to taste, it's difficult not to get a little tipsy, despite only tasting a small sip at a time. We tried about 20 of the wines, since we're admittedly a little snobby. We did try some new world wines though and were pleasantly suprised with some Argentinian and even some Canadian wine! And to top things off, the wine is complemented with a fine selection of cheeses and meats from around the world. For only €7.50 per person, it's a real bargain and such a nice treat!
So, do I feel guilty about this little endulgement in light of the fact that we're trying so hard to create our little Flonny? Not at all. I've been thinking long and hard on this subject for a few weeks now. I know that drinking alcohol is probably not the best thing to do when undertaking ICSI. But I know that I limit my consumption to very sensible quantities, no longer feeling the urge to binge drink like I used to (and, I must say, I was very good at it). But having an occassional glass of wine makes me feel relaxed and warm inside. To quote the great Brit-pop band "Blur", it gives me a sense of enourmous well being. I personally think that this positive state of mind will more than offset any minor detrimental physical effects that an occassional G&T may incurr. And this is my new tantra. As much as I want to have a child, I am not prepared to sacrifice my life for it. I refuse to be a slave to this urge to reproduce. As much as I want to bring another life into the world, I can't do so at the expense of my own, else what's the point? Surely this is just substitution... one life for another. I want my child to experience what life has to offer, to be wrapped in it's rich tapesty, but to do so I need to be familiar with it myself. I need that will to live life myself so that I can enthuse my child with it and give my child the opportunity to prosper.
I'm so happy that I went out and enjoyed myself with Flo. I'm happy that, despite the shit that we've been through and the troubles that we're having bringing a new life into the world, that we still have the energy to live our own lives. It's these moments that make me feel like life is worth living! It's these moments that give me the strength to play natures games... despite being dealt a crappy hand, we're still going to win this game.
The clocks went back this morning, which straight away meant that we didn't have to feel guilty about having a lie in this morning. What would normally have been 11:30 am was instead 10:30 am... a perfectly respectible time to get up on a Sunday morning!
And then for breakfast, we treated ourselves to a cafe latte, freshly squeezed orange juice, the last of the season's raspberries and a cheese and ham toasty! I then treated myself to an eagerly awaited new toy... a MacBook on which I'm now writing this post (feeling very smug that I've got it all updated and running nicely after spending a day or so getting our new wireless network and ADSL connection sorted).I'm actually feeling a bit merry. I've recently started to treat myself with an occassional glass of wine or a gin and tonic after spending about a year almost T-total (except for the occassional glass of champagne). I therefore allowed myself to attend the bi-annual wine tasting event organised by our excellent local delicatessen, Gransjean. With approximately 130 different wines to taste, it's difficult not to get a little tipsy, despite only tasting a small sip at a time. We tried about 20 of the wines, since we're admittedly a little snobby. We did try some new world wines though and were pleasantly suprised with some Argentinian and even some Canadian wine! And to top things off, the wine is complemented with a fine selection of cheeses and meats from around the world. For only €7.50 per person, it's a real bargain and such a nice treat!
So, do I feel guilty about this little endulgement in light of the fact that we're trying so hard to create our little Flonny? Not at all. I've been thinking long and hard on this subject for a few weeks now. I know that drinking alcohol is probably not the best thing to do when undertaking ICSI. But I know that I limit my consumption to very sensible quantities, no longer feeling the urge to binge drink like I used to (and, I must say, I was very good at it). But having an occassional glass of wine makes me feel relaxed and warm inside. To quote the great Brit-pop band "Blur", it gives me a sense of enourmous well being. I personally think that this positive state of mind will more than offset any minor detrimental physical effects that an occassional G&T may incurr. And this is my new tantra. As much as I want to have a child, I am not prepared to sacrifice my life for it. I refuse to be a slave to this urge to reproduce. As much as I want to bring another life into the world, I can't do so at the expense of my own, else what's the point? Surely this is just substitution... one life for another. I want my child to experience what life has to offer, to be wrapped in it's rich tapesty, but to do so I need to be familiar with it myself. I need that will to live life myself so that I can enthuse my child with it and give my child the opportunity to prosper.
I'm so happy that I went out and enjoyed myself with Flo. I'm happy that, despite the shit that we've been through and the troubles that we're having bringing a new life into the world, that we still have the energy to live our own lives. It's these moments that make me feel like life is worth living! It's these moments that give me the strength to play natures games... despite being dealt a crappy hand, we're still going to win this game.
Friday, 27 October 2006
Text book
Text book condition is what the gyneacologist called the state of my uterus and ovaries this morning. The pill has done its job for the past three weeks and has surpressed follicle activity. So not one enthusiastic follicle leading the way. In fact no follicles at all to be seen. This made Jonny enquire about the resolution of the ultrasound image of my insides on the screen that we were admiring; structures smaller than 2mm cannot be seen.
This is exactly the outcome we had hoped for. Now all follicles that are candidates for selection and growth by the follicle stimulating hormones (FSH) have an equal opportunity. Would that make me an equal opportunity employer of eggs? With these perfect starting conditions we now have to wait for my period to arrive. Next week will be the start of our third try!
This is exactly the outcome we had hoped for. Now all follicles that are candidates for selection and growth by the follicle stimulating hormones (FSH) have an equal opportunity. Would that make me an equal opportunity employer of eggs? With these perfect starting conditions we now have to wait for my period to arrive. Next week will be the start of our third try!
Thursday, 26 October 2006
Back to the future
We have now lived in our new house for just over four weeks. We manoeuvre around the boxes that remain unopened. We carefully tread around the tools from the work men that are still around every other day. We put up with the mess they make and the dust on our clean clothes. The curtains made of newspapers are very yellow by now and there are large pieces of garbage scattered around the house since we forgot the pick-up appointment with the council. The mess is infuriating at times and the amount of work still to be done daunting, but we love it.
Slowly everything is finding its place and the house is coming together. We have been large-scale users of bin liners and the house is looking better every day. Not in the last place because we had Jonny's parents staying over for a few days. That forced us to get a bit more organised quickly. At least cosmetically, since it mainly involved moving boxes around.
Jonny and his dad put the immensely heavy glass doors on our new Pax cupboard, his dad put the first plants in our garden and his mum got her hands on our dirty counter top after chasing our Polish builders away. Although born in England, Polish was my mother in law's first language. So she told them in Polish not to put their dirty things on the freshly cleaned surface. It must have quite shocked them, but it worked!
We are now still waiting for our ADSL-connection. For the last month we have been using a dial-up connection. It takes ages to load up pages with anything other than plain text and it feels like we have been catapulted back to the early nineties. Tomorrow we should have ADSL again so that will be a weekend full of serving the internet! Or would that be the internet serving us?
Slowly everything is finding its place and the house is coming together. We have been large-scale users of bin liners and the house is looking better every day. Not in the last place because we had Jonny's parents staying over for a few days. That forced us to get a bit more organised quickly. At least cosmetically, since it mainly involved moving boxes around.
Jonny and his dad put the immensely heavy glass doors on our new Pax cupboard, his dad put the first plants in our garden and his mum got her hands on our dirty counter top after chasing our Polish builders away. Although born in England, Polish was my mother in law's first language. So she told them in Polish not to put their dirty things on the freshly cleaned surface. It must have quite shocked them, but it worked!
We are now still waiting for our ADSL-connection. For the last month we have been using a dial-up connection. It takes ages to load up pages with anything other than plain text and it feels like we have been catapulted back to the early nineties. Tomorrow we should have ADSL again so that will be a weekend full of serving the internet! Or would that be the internet serving us?
Monday, 16 October 2006
Autumn break
When I was little my mum used to take me shopping for a winter coat in the autumn break. It was easy to remember when the autumn break was since my brother's birthday was always somewhere in that week. So for me the autumn break always marked the proper beginning of the autumn and it getting colder again. The first day after the break I always cycled to school proudly showing off my new coat. With the buttons still undone, since invariably it was still slightly too warm for the new coat with toggles. Or whatever closing method was in vogue that season.
The last time I got myself a new coat was when we still lived in Rotterdam, what now seems like a lifetime ago. A long green duffel coat with deep pockets and a long zipper. It has done a good job over the years, protecting me from the cold in St Petersburg and seeing me through New Year's Eve on the Red Square (Jonny's arms around me also helped or was it the vodka we consumed?). By now the zipper has stopped functioning so it would only keep me warm those first few days after the autumn break.
Unlike yesteryear, not everybody in the Netherlands has the autumn break in the same week. When you break is now determined by the region you live in. So I am not sure if our region now officially has the autumn break or whether it is next week. Regardless, since it is my brother's birthday this week, I think it is time to go out and find myself a new winter coat.
I will then cycle, with the buttons of my new coat undone of course, to the lovely vegetable stall where I get our fruit and veg from. They now have wonderful big pumpkins on display, a large variety of mushrooms, cranberries and many different apples. Bye bye to salads, hello stews and soups!
The last time I got myself a new coat was when we still lived in Rotterdam, what now seems like a lifetime ago. A long green duffel coat with deep pockets and a long zipper. It has done a good job over the years, protecting me from the cold in St Petersburg and seeing me through New Year's Eve on the Red Square (Jonny's arms around me also helped or was it the vodka we consumed?). By now the zipper has stopped functioning so it would only keep me warm those first few days after the autumn break. Unlike yesteryear, not everybody in the Netherlands has the autumn break in the same week. When you break is now determined by the region you live in. So I am not sure if our region now officially has the autumn break or whether it is next week. Regardless, since it is my brother's birthday this week, I think it is time to go out and find myself a new winter coat.
I will then cycle, with the buttons of my new coat undone of course, to the lovely vegetable stall where I get our fruit and veg from. They now have wonderful big pumpkins on display, a large variety of mushrooms, cranberries and many different apples. Bye bye to salads, hello stews and soups!
Wednesday, 11 October 2006
Hospital stories
It has been quite an eventful last few days. On Saturday we went back to the hospital (more later), Sunday we were at A&E since Jonny accidentally spilled some Hammerite in his left eye (he's fine now, although he had a red eye rim for a couple of days). So Sunday night I jokingly remarked that I wasn't going back to the hospital on Monday. How wrong I was...
On Monday the builders came around to finish off some small jobs in and around the house. One of them being cutting some tiles in the kitchen to fit the kitchen properly. One bit was particularly difficult to reach so he needed to have a good close look at it. This resulted in a tile cutting flying in to one of his eyes. So back to A&E. He is now doing fine too.
Officially we have started with IVF treatment number three. Hopefully third time lucky. Since Saturday I am taking the pill in order to downregulate any enthusiastic follicles. This should give them the chance to growth all at the same rate. I also had some blood taken to determine my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) level.This was raised. Although this can vary from month to month, it is indicative of the repsonsiveness to the hyperstimulation drugs. That will be low. I was absolutely gutted.
It feels like no amount of healthy living, organic food and expensive supplements will do the trick for us. We just need copious amounts of luck. And some more.
On Monday the builders came around to finish off some small jobs in and around the house. One of them being cutting some tiles in the kitchen to fit the kitchen properly. One bit was particularly difficult to reach so he needed to have a good close look at it. This resulted in a tile cutting flying in to one of his eyes. So back to A&E. He is now doing fine too.
Officially we have started with IVF treatment number three. Hopefully third time lucky. Since Saturday I am taking the pill in order to downregulate any enthusiastic follicles. This should give them the chance to growth all at the same rate. I also had some blood taken to determine my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) level.This was raised. Although this can vary from month to month, it is indicative of the repsonsiveness to the hyperstimulation drugs. That will be low. I was absolutely gutted.
It feels like no amount of healthy living, organic food and expensive supplements will do the trick for us. We just need copious amounts of luck. And some more.
Tuesday, 3 October 2006
We have moved!
Last week we moved into our new house. Now we are not only camping in the bed room, but also in the living room, the kitchen and the bathroom. To say it is a bit messy is an understatement. But it is our very own messy house and it is gorgeous and lovely.
The internet connection has not moved yet unfortunately so we are not online at the moment. This post is costing me two teas in a bar with wireless connection. Nor do we have telephone. At night we play board games.
You can reach us on our mobiles though! As soon as we are online again, we will reply to your emails and update the blog properly with pictures of our trip to Copenhagen (what a great city!) and pictures of the house wíth furniture. Like the builder remarked last week: it now has a soul.
PS: the kitties are okay, they are still having fun exploring all the corners and finding new favourite spots to lie in. Funnily enough these spots seem to coincide with our favourite spots to sit!
Tuesday, 19 September 2006
Where are Jonny and Flo going for their weekend break?
Booking a long weekend away just before you are about to move house may seem a bit silly. Or at least not very well-planned. In our case, it is of course neither! :-)
Months and months ago, we thought we deserved a long weekend away after we'd moved. Instead of a summer holiday. So when KLM had a promotion where we could use airmiles to fly for a discounter price to Copenhagen, we thought we'd take the opportunity.
As it turns out, we have not moved yet. We also had to put up with the ludicrously high airport taxes, making the ticket price same as normal. Neither did we anticipate Jonny going to Russia. But one day at home should cover any possible jetlag?
We are leaving on Friday, back on Sunday. Just in time to pack some personal belongings so we can find those back in the inevitable mess the first days in our new house.
Nothing reduces our anticipatory pleasure though! We are very much looking forward to seeing the Danish capital, meet the Danes, buy some Danish design and, most of all, to spend some time together.
Monday, 18 September 2006
Our second round of IVF-ICSI: what's next?
Last week I spoke to the doctor that performed our last IVF cycle. She said that they only have a telephone evaluation after a failed IVF treatment if the patients ask the nurses too many difficult questions about it. Yeah, that sounds like me! :-)
Why did it go wrong? Unfortunately nobody knows why succesfully fertilised embryos don't implant. Something in nature has decided that these implanted embryos are not viable, most likely because of a genetic or chromosomal defect. We might simply have been a bit unlucky.
Could the laporoscopy have influenced the outcome? When women start IVF soon after a delivery or after an operation on the ovaries, it can happen that the ovaries do not respond like they otherwise would. During an operation also healthy tissue is removed and that can mess about with hormone levels, negatively influencing the outcome. Given our history, it seems most likely that I don't have a large stock of egg cells though.
Is there something wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me, other than not having a large stock of egg cells. Normally this would not have been a problem and we would not have even noticed. Because we rely on IVF and the hyperstimulation that goes with it, it is a bit unfortunate. A small consolation is that quality is more important than quantity.
When can we have another go? She suggested having an ultrasound on the third day of the next cycle and determine my FSH levels. The FSH level determines how many egg cells will grow during an IVF cycle. As a general rule, the lower the better, as it rises when a woman approaches menopause. This is something they want to rule out (although there is no real reason to suspect it). This would mean starting stimulation again the beginning of November.
What will we do differently? To give us the best possible chance, they suggest to do the long protocol again. That would mean we have a rest this cycle. Next cycle on day three I start on the Pill.
Huh, the Pill? But we want to get pregnant? The pill regulates the growth of the follicles a bit more. Instead of having one very enthusiastic follicle, they are much more likely to all be the same size. So by the time they are ready to be harvested, they are all ripe enough to be fertilised.
How do we feel? Still a wee bit sad at times, but mainly looking forward to the next try. We can now fully concentrate on the new house, appreciate some IVF-free time and I can enjoy my occasional glass of wine!
Why did it go wrong? Unfortunately nobody knows why succesfully fertilised embryos don't implant. Something in nature has decided that these implanted embryos are not viable, most likely because of a genetic or chromosomal defect. We might simply have been a bit unlucky.
Could the laporoscopy have influenced the outcome? When women start IVF soon after a delivery or after an operation on the ovaries, it can happen that the ovaries do not respond like they otherwise would. During an operation also healthy tissue is removed and that can mess about with hormone levels, negatively influencing the outcome. Given our history, it seems most likely that I don't have a large stock of egg cells though.
Is there something wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me, other than not having a large stock of egg cells. Normally this would not have been a problem and we would not have even noticed. Because we rely on IVF and the hyperstimulation that goes with it, it is a bit unfortunate. A small consolation is that quality is more important than quantity.
When can we have another go? She suggested having an ultrasound on the third day of the next cycle and determine my FSH levels. The FSH level determines how many egg cells will grow during an IVF cycle. As a general rule, the lower the better, as it rises when a woman approaches menopause. This is something they want to rule out (although there is no real reason to suspect it). This would mean starting stimulation again the beginning of November.
What will we do differently? To give us the best possible chance, they suggest to do the long protocol again. That would mean we have a rest this cycle. Next cycle on day three I start on the Pill.
Huh, the Pill? But we want to get pregnant? The pill regulates the growth of the follicles a bit more. Instead of having one very enthusiastic follicle, they are much more likely to all be the same size. So by the time they are ready to be harvested, they are all ripe enough to be fertilised.
How do we feel? Still a wee bit sad at times, but mainly looking forward to the next try. We can now fully concentrate on the new house, appreciate some IVF-free time and I can enjoy my occasional glass of wine!
Counting the days
I am counting the days before Jonny comes back: 2. The closer it gets to him coming home the more I miss him. That must have to do with how you adjust the internal clock to a certain number of days. There is enough to get on with though: organising stuff for the new house, tidying up the old house and throwing away stuff we don't need anymore. The latter by the way deserving a post of its own! How much stuff does one accumulate? Let alone two people...
I am counting the days before we move house: 7. Although a lot has been done, the house is not nearly finished yet. But we have a working shower, a temporary counter top in the kitchen and working heaters. We can live in it!
At the weekend I have painted the pantry, moving away from the still 'rustic' feel that was in there. We can now hang some shelves for our cans and containers. Today and tomorrow the wooden floors are being put in, the concrete in the front will get an epoxy coating later this week and my adorable new door stoppers will be attached too.
It is so exciting that we are now almost moving in to our new house. The first time that we will actually live in our own house! We can now happily fill the wall with nails (if we wanted to) and paint it any colours we like (in case we get bored of our carefully chosen palette). We have both done so much and are really proud of how it is coming together. It goes to show what a good team can do. Just waiting for my team mate to come back now! :-)
I am counting the days before we move house: 7. Although a lot has been done, the house is not nearly finished yet. But we have a working shower, a temporary counter top in the kitchen and working heaters. We can live in it! 
At the weekend I have painted the pantry, moving away from the still 'rustic' feel that was in there. We can now hang some shelves for our cans and containers. Today and tomorrow the wooden floors are being put in, the concrete in the front will get an epoxy coating later this week and my adorable new door stoppers will be attached too.
It is so exciting that we are now almost moving in to our new house. The first time that we will actually live in our own house! We can now happily fill the wall with nails (if we wanted to) and paint it any colours we like (in case we get bored of our carefully chosen palette). We have both done so much and are really proud of how it is coming together. It goes to show what a good team can do. Just waiting for my team mate to come back now! :-)
Sunday, 17 September 2006
Travels in the Sea of Okhotsk
Most people wonder what the hell I get up to on my adventures away from home, so I thought I’d write a quick post to give a snapshot of a day in the life of a well engineer (plus I had my camera so was able to take a few pictures to illustrate).
Yesterday was a long day of travel. At around 10am I left my temporary home 16km off the coast of Sakhalin island in the sea of Okhotsk, where I’d been living on a man made island of steel and sand called the Molikpaq. I was transported onto a crew boat via a special basket that is lifted from the deck of the platform onto the deck of the boat via one of the platform’s cranes; if you look closely at the picture below you can just about make it out on the right of the picture as a small yellow pyramid shaped object. Fortunately, it’s not too cold this time of the year, but I still had to wear a thickly padded orange survival suit to protect me from the cold wind and from the icy water should an accident occur and I fell into the sea. The basket is hanging about 30 meters above sea level, so it’s quite a fall is something goes wrong, but fortunately i was safely strapped in.
It takes about four hours for the boat to navigate from the platform to the nearest port, but on the way we stopped off at another vessel called the Jaya Installer 5 to pick up some more passengers. This vessel is a floating hotel with accommodation for about 300 people. It carries out support work for the installation of offshore platforms and is currently carrying out welding operations for Exxon oil company (who operate a similar platform out here called the Orlan).
I spoke to one of the departing passengers and he informed me that the welders are currently working on a pipeline. It’s a tough job, since the divers spend two weeks in a pressurised environment. To weld underwater, they construct a tent on the seabed, approximately 30 meters beneath the surface. After a 12 hour shift, they return to the surface, but have to stay in a small pressured tank to prevent decompression problems. This way, they only have to compress and decompress once during their hitch; they compress when they start and then at then once at the end of their two-week hitch they decompress to re-join the rest of the world. Spending this much time in such a claustrophobic environment would send most people insane!
There’s not an awful lot to see on the way except for an occasional seagull following the wake of the boat looking for food.
The end of the sea journey is marked with the arrival at the port of… (sorry, I'm crap at remembering names, particularly Russian ones) a battered, bleak, run down little port with signs that it was once a major oil export terminal judging by the numerous rusty old oil depots littering its perimeter.
After saying farewell to the crew boat (I’ve never been a big fan of crew boats after being forced to endure three days on one, unable to disembark due to rough sea conditions… I lost about 5kg in weight during those three days and earned the nickname “the jolly green giant” on account of the change in colour of my complexion), so I was not sad to be back on terra firma.
Here’s a picture of the crew boat. Mine was the one in the background, affectionately named “Miss Sybil”. The one in the foreground was similarly named “Miss Vickie”, perhaps after an old college friend of mine who coincidentally is now a teacher, so shares the “Miss” prefix also. Life’s full of coincidences (if you look for them).
After a quick stop over at a base camp in Nogliki (a sterile, characterless place, also enough to send one insane if having to spend anything length of time there) to pick up my passport (never get caught in Russia without your passport!), it was off to the train station to catch the overnight train back to Yuzhno.
Similar to the port, the train station appears to have seen better days, since, as is the fashion in this part of the world, machinery that has come to the end of its useful life is left to unceremoniously rot away in an open grave. At least these abandoned train carriages are now being utilised by a young family of dogs, who have sensibly chosen the less decrepit of the two carriages to be their home.
No expenses are spared on the train travel, as we are treated to relative luxury having our own carriage with 4 berth sleeper cabins. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had to share a cabin with one other person, which is actually a blessing since it gives the opportunity for some human contact on what is otherwise a very lonely experience.
This time, I shared my cabin with a local inhabitant of Yuzhno, who gave me an insight into the way of life in the area. Despite their somber appearance, Russians have an inherent sense of good humor; they are very aware that they live in a tough environment, but are very tolerant and accepting of it and are content just to survive.
As Flo has taken to point out recently, we live in a generation where we expect an awful lot out of life, like it’s our birthright. It’s not until I return to relative civilization back at my hotel when I realize how lucky I am to be able to call my loved ones and catch up life back at home with a half our chat with my wife.
Yesterday was a long day of travel. At around 10am I left my temporary home 16km off the coast of Sakhalin island in the sea of Okhotsk, where I’d been living on a man made island of steel and sand called the Molikpaq. I was transported onto a crew boat via a special basket that is lifted from the deck of the platform onto the deck of the boat via one of the platform’s cranes; if you look closely at the picture below you can just about make it out on the right of the picture as a small yellow pyramid shaped object. Fortunately, it’s not too cold this time of the year, but I still had to wear a thickly padded orange survival suit to protect me from the cold wind and from the icy water should an accident occur and I fell into the sea. The basket is hanging about 30 meters above sea level, so it’s quite a fall is something goes wrong, but fortunately i was safely strapped in.
It takes about four hours for the boat to navigate from the platform to the nearest port, but on the way we stopped off at another vessel called the Jaya Installer 5 to pick up some more passengers. This vessel is a floating hotel with accommodation for about 300 people. It carries out support work for the installation of offshore platforms and is currently carrying out welding operations for Exxon oil company (who operate a similar platform out here called the Orlan).
I spoke to one of the departing passengers and he informed me that the welders are currently working on a pipeline. It’s a tough job, since the divers spend two weeks in a pressurised environment. To weld underwater, they construct a tent on the seabed, approximately 30 meters beneath the surface. After a 12 hour shift, they return to the surface, but have to stay in a small pressured tank to prevent decompression problems. This way, they only have to compress and decompress once during their hitch; they compress when they start and then at then once at the end of their two-week hitch they decompress to re-join the rest of the world. Spending this much time in such a claustrophobic environment would send most people insane!
There’s not an awful lot to see on the way except for an occasional seagull following the wake of the boat looking for food.The end of the sea journey is marked with the arrival at the port of… (sorry, I'm crap at remembering names, particularly Russian ones) a battered, bleak, run down little port with signs that it was once a major oil export terminal judging by the numerous rusty old oil depots littering its perimeter.
After saying farewell to the crew boat (I’ve never been a big fan of crew boats after being forced to endure three days on one, unable to disembark due to rough sea conditions… I lost about 5kg in weight during those three days and earned the nickname “the jolly green giant” on account of the change in colour of my complexion), so I was not sad to be back on terra firma.
Here’s a picture of the crew boat. Mine was the one in the background, affectionately named “Miss Sybil”. The one in the foreground was similarly named “Miss Vickie”, perhaps after an old college friend of mine who coincidentally is now a teacher, so shares the “Miss” prefix also. Life’s full of coincidences (if you look for them).After a quick stop over at a base camp in Nogliki (a sterile, characterless place, also enough to send one insane if having to spend anything length of time there) to pick up my passport (never get caught in Russia without your passport!), it was off to the train station to catch the overnight train back to Yuzhno.
Similar to the port, the train station appears to have seen better days, since, as is the fashion in this part of the world, machinery that has come to the end of its useful life is left to unceremoniously rot away in an open grave. At least these abandoned train carriages are now being utilised by a young family of dogs, who have sensibly chosen the less decrepit of the two carriages to be their home.
No expenses are spared on the train travel, as we are treated to relative luxury having our own carriage with 4 berth sleeper cabins. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had to share a cabin with one other person, which is actually a blessing since it gives the opportunity for some human contact on what is otherwise a very lonely experience.
This time, I shared my cabin with a local inhabitant of Yuzhno, who gave me an insight into the way of life in the area. Despite their somber appearance, Russians have an inherent sense of good humor; they are very aware that they live in a tough environment, but are very tolerant and accepting of it and are content just to survive.As Flo has taken to point out recently, we live in a generation where we expect an awful lot out of life, like it’s our birthright. It’s not until I return to relative civilization back at my hotel when I realize how lucky I am to be able to call my loved ones and catch up life back at home with a half our chat with my wife.
Friday, 15 September 2006
Where's Jonny?
In case anyone's wondering why I've not been posting with my usual fevor, it's because I'm currently stuck out here.
This picture is a bit exagerated... it's not frozen up at the moment, but there's not many pictures of this place on the internet, so this will have to do. The place has also grown a bit since this picture was taken too... it grows rather organically this place, sprouting lumps and bumps all over and walking around inside it is like walking through the insides of huge monster. I'll see if I can get a nicer picture of it as I leave tomorrow.
If you're wondering where this thing is, you can read a bit about it here. I've only spent a couple of nights out here, heading back tomorrow... 4 hours in a boat followed by 15 hours on a train to get to back to town.
Meanwhile, Flo's left at home, sorting out bills, painters, builders, plumbers etc and dealing with our recent set-back all on her own (well, physically at least, since I often think about her). I think I've actually got the easy option in comparison... so sorry Flo! Promise I'll make it up to you when I'm back! I do appreciate all the hard work that you're doing, I hate not being there with you and most importantly, I love you very much!
This picture is a bit exagerated... it's not frozen up at the moment, but there's not many pictures of this place on the internet, so this will have to do. The place has also grown a bit since this picture was taken too... it grows rather organically this place, sprouting lumps and bumps all over and walking around inside it is like walking through the insides of huge monster. I'll see if I can get a nicer picture of it as I leave tomorrow.
If you're wondering where this thing is, you can read a bit about it here. I've only spent a couple of nights out here, heading back tomorrow... 4 hours in a boat followed by 15 hours on a train to get to back to town.
Meanwhile, Flo's left at home, sorting out bills, painters, builders, plumbers etc and dealing with our recent set-back all on her own (well, physically at least, since I often think about her). I think I've actually got the easy option in comparison... so sorry Flo! Promise I'll make it up to you when I'm back! I do appreciate all the hard work that you're doing, I hate not being there with you and most importantly, I love you very much!
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
A fine day to spend in the pool
August has been lousy in the weather department, so you would think that surely put us first on the list for a really beautiful Indian summer. Or at least a few days of Indian summer...Today was one of those days and where better to catch the last rays of hot summer sun than in a puddle pool? Or, in my case, watching my nieces splatter around in it. I spent the time talking to my sister enjoying a glass of beautiful French rosé. Nice!
Saturday, 9 September 2006
Wine, food and retail therapy
Before we started the second round of IVF, we were well aware that there was a chance of the treatment not working out again. The chance of getting pregnant with IVF (ICSI) are quite slim. Yet we chose to keep positive throughout it and deal with the emotions when the time was there. That worked for us.
Men and women deal differently with emotions, so also with a failed IVF cycle . Men - I am well aware that I am generalising here - talk about it once and feel they have dealt with it. They find it of limited value to go over the whole thing again and again. We compromised: we agreed that we would talk about it for no more than three days and then move on.
I used these three days for crying my eyes out. We used these three days for feeling truly sorry for ourselves, talking to each other and doing some serious comfort eating and drinking. Jonny told me that drinking a whole bottle of wine would probably not make me feel better, but most likely worse. One glass of nice red wine was divine though, after almost a month of prohibition.
A serious bout of retail therapy finished off the mourning period. Not only do I have almost my complete winter wardrobe ready, but we are ready to move on. It is okay now. We will be okay. Looking forward to enjoying some September sun today and meeting up with our friend Miffy, who we have not seen for ages.
We loved the kind emails, sweet phone calls, the warm thoughts and prayers, crossed fingers and good energy we got from you throughout and after the treatment. Thanks for that, it did us good! We certainly hope there is a lot more where that came from since we might be needing some more soon.
Men and women deal differently with emotions, so also with a failed IVF cycle . Men - I am well aware that I am generalising here - talk about it once and feel they have dealt with it. They find it of limited value to go over the whole thing again and again. We compromised: we agreed that we would talk about it for no more than three days and then move on.
I used these three days for crying my eyes out. We used these three days for feeling truly sorry for ourselves, talking to each other and doing some serious comfort eating and drinking. Jonny told me that drinking a whole bottle of wine would probably not make me feel better, but most likely worse. One glass of nice red wine was divine though, after almost a month of prohibition.
A serious bout of retail therapy finished off the mourning period. Not only do I have almost my complete winter wardrobe ready, but we are ready to move on. It is okay now. We will be okay. Looking forward to enjoying some September sun today and meeting up with our friend Miffy, who we have not seen for ages.We loved the kind emails, sweet phone calls, the warm thoughts and prayers, crossed fingers and good energy we got from you throughout and after the treatment. Thanks for that, it did us good! We certainly hope there is a lot more where that came from since we might be needing some more soon.
Thursday, 7 September 2006
A slow-motion shock
When we first found out that we could only have children through IVF-ICSI, I thought that little problem (no pun intended) could be solved by doing a treatment. Once. For my generation the adagio is: throw enough energy and money at a problem and it will be solved. So I was over-optimistic about the treatment working the first time.
When it didn't I was devastated. I hit a particularly bad period, where the sadness, pain and bitterness threatened to consume me. I entered a dark place and felt alone and helpless and hopeless. Jonny didn't know how the deal with me and I didn't know how to deal with his emotions. We nearly lost each other in the process.
It took a long time for us to find each other back and pluck up the courage to have another go. This time we took a little more control: we ate and lived healthily, I had acupuncture before and during the treatment, we took loads of bloody expensive supplements. Also, we had a laugh throughout the process, joking about the needles, the hormones, the small disappointments. In all, we did what we could.
Despite all our best efforts it turns out that the second time has not worked either. Earlier this week the good (physical) feeling had suddenly gone and the mental feeling soon followed. Yesterday morning I lost some blood. There are all sort of possible explanations why you could lose blood and be pregnant. Unfortunately they don't apply to me. I am now waiting for my period to start properly.
It is bloody hard. It sucks, it is bloody unfair. We are going to be sad, to have a good cry, to shout, to feel very sorry for ourselves. For a bit. Then we'll put our chins up and be brave and strong again. Knowing that there is nothing that we could have done differently. Knowing that coming through at the other side with our relationship intact is success, not a failure. And we'll move our goals posts a little so we can carry on to reach our goal: having our own baby.
I love you Jonny!
When it didn't I was devastated. I hit a particularly bad period, where the sadness, pain and bitterness threatened to consume me. I entered a dark place and felt alone and helpless and hopeless. Jonny didn't know how the deal with me and I didn't know how to deal with his emotions. We nearly lost each other in the process.
It took a long time for us to find each other back and pluck up the courage to have another go. This time we took a little more control: we ate and lived healthily, I had acupuncture before and during the treatment, we took loads of bloody expensive supplements. Also, we had a laugh throughout the process, joking about the needles, the hormones, the small disappointments. In all, we did what we could.
Despite all our best efforts it turns out that the second time has not worked either. Earlier this week the good (physical) feeling had suddenly gone and the mental feeling soon followed. Yesterday morning I lost some blood. There are all sort of possible explanations why you could lose blood and be pregnant. Unfortunately they don't apply to me. I am now waiting for my period to start properly.
It is bloody hard. It sucks, it is bloody unfair. We are going to be sad, to have a good cry, to shout, to feel very sorry for ourselves. For a bit. Then we'll put our chins up and be brave and strong again. Knowing that there is nothing that we could have done differently. Knowing that coming through at the other side with our relationship intact is success, not a failure. And we'll move our goals posts a little so we can carry on to reach our goal: having our own baby.
I love you Jonny!
Monday, 4 September 2006
Camping in the new bedroom
After walking around with Farrow and Ball colour swatches for months, even sleeping with them under my pillow, I finally decided to use some completely different colours for our new house. This decision was mainly driven by the fact that our painter could not mix the F&B colours. In normal words that means: it would be too expensive.
Amongst the good things of the F&B paint were the names: Elephant's Breath©, Monkey Puzzle© and our all time favourite Cooking Apple Green© for example. Our new paint does not have super dupa names, but our palette consists of four colours instead: off white, off yellow, off beige and off grey. I am not being completely fair to the dark grey, since it actually does have a name: "tent".
Although nowadays I prefer a sweet little B&B or even a swanky hotel over a tent any time, I have fond memories of the tent I used to share with my sister over family holidays. I loved the sound of rain on the tent in the early mornings. I loathed the walk to the toilets in the rain though.
So "tent" it is. A suitably apt name for the colour of our bedroom. We are well pleased with the way the colour turned out on the wall. The bedroom will be warm and cosy and soon be full of fond memories too!
Day 26: A lush hairdo
Last Saturday night, at the Sandrex' birthday/housewarming/ engagement party, I was talking about Madonna with a couple of people. We all agreed that she looks amazing at 48. The army of personal trainers, stylists, make-up artists and assistants does undoubtedly contribute to that, but she does look glamorous. I have given up my one time ambition to be glamorous: it is just too much work! It would mean being extremely fit, not having a hair out of place, not a root showing, impeccable clothes and never having chipped nail polish. Ever! The thought alone makes me tired, so I settle for looking groomed instead.
In order to achieve this, Jonny and I both went for a pre-party haircut on Saturday. The hairdresser remarked that my hair was a lot thicker than last time. This can be good news. During early pregnancy oestrogenic hormone levels increase. This causes the normal cycle of hair growth to slow down, resulting in only about five per cent of the usual hair fall. This is why most pregnant women's hair seems so much thicker as more hairs are in active growth than usual.
According to the hairdresser, if the new thickness of my hair is anything to go by.... Unfortunately the only thing that will definitely tell us that I am pregnant is a positive pregnancy test on Friday. That is another four days! The insecurity is killing, but at least I have a lush hairdo to go with it!
Wednesday, 30 August 2006
Day 21: A wedding!
Good news: we have a wedding to look forward to! Our friend Sander finally got around to popping the big question to Alexandra last weekend. They are the living proof of the famous Dutch saying 'from a wedding comes a wedding', since they met at our wedding five years ago! When she sent me a text message announcing the exciting news, it made me all emotional. Of course I blame the pregnancy hormones for that!I am given the pregnancy (HCG) hormone injections to support the implantation of the embryo and sort of kick start the system into believing it's pregnant. It could fool me: they make me nauseous, tired and wobbly. Fortunately Jonny has found the perfect balance between giving me full emotional support and not taking my rantings too seriously. Bless!
There is really nothing we can do but wait. Unfortunately patience has never been one of my virtues and I am finding this two week wait really difficult. Most of the time I am happy though. Happy about how far we have gotten and how close we are to having our own offspring. And most importantly, how strong we both are! :-)
In order to keep myself occupied, I drop off the new door handles in the house this morning. One of my friends said that the house is starting to look so good, surely the stork MUST want to pop by soon. I make a mental note of remembering to tell him that babies are not brought by the stork... I like the thought though, so I show emmy around and tell how nice the baby room to be is looking already.
Sunday, 27 August 2006
Day 17: Blastocyst and books
I am now the proud caretaker of a blastocyst: it already has so many cells that individual cells are no longer recognizable. Implantation can start to occur as soon as six to seven days after the retrieval. So that would be tomorrow or Tuesday. In order to give emmy every possible chance to implant I continue to take it easy.
There is a wide range of opinions on the subject of bed rest, but it has not been proven that bed rest will give a better chance of getting pregnant. However, it is a very good excuse to just potter around the house and finally read some books that were waiting to be read!
Saturday, 26 August 2006
Painters and decorators
When we started painting the house a few weeks back, we were pretty confident that, despite taking a bit of time and effort, we'd be able to finish most of the painting ourselves, before it was time to move into the house. After spending a couple of weekends painting, the realisation of exactly how much work was required hit us with a bang and we unanimously decided it was time to call in the professionals.
We've been picking up some pretty good references and tips along the way... the company that installed our lights for us also recommended the guy to install our floor. So we decided to follow up their lead on the painter. After agreeing on a price, they started work early Monday morning. Even with two professional painters working full time, they anticipated that the work would take at least a week and a half. As you can see from the pictures, one week has gone already and they've not yet completed the front of the house and this is with three guys working! So we're anicipating them to finish at the end of next week.
But the timing is fine... with everything else that's going on in our lives at the moment, we've certainly become a lot less stressed about the house, simply because we haven't got the energy to! However, as a result, things seem to be ticking along quite smoothly and at a pleasant pace. As you can see from the pictures, the builders continue to be in and out as they've now installed nearly all of the doors. They were going to have the floor in the front finished this week, but decided to hold back and let the painters finish in the front before they come and lay the floor... which we're fine with.
The builders are also going to fit the kitchen for us. They've already lined it all up, but they need to make some modifications to the unit that is going to house the sink, since behind this unit is the manifold for the underfloor heating, which needs to be accommodated in the kitchen unit. But the builders seem to think it's no big deal, so we're leaving them to it!
It's been a couple of weeks since we made a post on the house... shows that our minds have been mostly elsewhere! However, this doesn't mean that we've not been busy on the house! The wooden floor panels have now arrived, as have the plinths, both of which I've committed to install, but I'll wait until the builders have finished before I start work. As you can see, colour decisions have been made for the painting, the doors have been installed and a decision has been made on door handle designs.
A quote has been received for manufacturing a stainless steel counter top for the sink... we're just waiting for another quote before we decide on preffered supplier! We've already fitted a washing machine in the cupboard in the kitchen (thank you Martin, Grada and Wouter, it fits perfectly!) and the rest of the white goods are waiting to be delivered.
So we're pretty confident that the house will be in an hospitable state by the time we need to move out of our current home, or at least I was until I discovered that my presence has been requested for a two week trip to the other side of the world... starting two weeks before we're due to move house! So, as is typical with life, just as things are ticking along nicely, there's a little twist thrown in to spice things up a little. I'm confident that Flo and I can keep on top of things though... I'm pretty overwhelmed with how smooth things have been maintained to date, which gives me confidence that we can handle whatever is thrown at us...
I've added some more pictures of the house to our growing photo album. I'll update this with some of the pictures of the house when we'd just bought it so that you can get a real feel for just how big a transformation has occurred!
Enjoy your weekend!
We've been picking up some pretty good references and tips along the way... the company that installed our lights for us also recommended the guy to install our floor. So we decided to follow up their lead on the painter. After agreeing on a price, they started work early Monday morning. Even with two professional painters working full time, they anticipated that the work would take at least a week and a half. As you can see from the pictures, one week has gone already and they've not yet completed the front of the house and this is with three guys working! So we're anicipating them to finish at the end of next week.
But the timing is fine... with everything else that's going on in our lives at the moment, we've certainly become a lot less stressed about the house, simply because we haven't got the energy to! However, as a result, things seem to be ticking along quite smoothly and at a pleasant pace. As you can see from the pictures, the builders continue to be in and out as they've now installed nearly all of the doors. They were going to have the floor in the front finished this week, but decided to hold back and let the painters finish in the front before they come and lay the floor... which we're fine with.
The builders are also going to fit the kitchen for us. They've already lined it all up, but they need to make some modifications to the unit that is going to house the sink, since behind this unit is the manifold for the underfloor heating, which needs to be accommodated in the kitchen unit. But the builders seem to think it's no big deal, so we're leaving them to it!
It's been a couple of weeks since we made a post on the house... shows that our minds have been mostly elsewhere! However, this doesn't mean that we've not been busy on the house! The wooden floor panels have now arrived, as have the plinths, both of which I've committed to install, but I'll wait until the builders have finished before I start work. As you can see, colour decisions have been made for the painting, the doors have been installed and a decision has been made on door handle designs.
A quote has been received for manufacturing a stainless steel counter top for the sink... we're just waiting for another quote before we decide on preffered supplier! We've already fitted a washing machine in the cupboard in the kitchen (thank you Martin, Grada and Wouter, it fits perfectly!) and the rest of the white goods are waiting to be delivered.
So we're pretty confident that the house will be in an hospitable state by the time we need to move out of our current home, or at least I was until I discovered that my presence has been requested for a two week trip to the other side of the world... starting two weeks before we're due to move house! So, as is typical with life, just as things are ticking along nicely, there's a little twist thrown in to spice things up a little. I'm confident that Flo and I can keep on top of things though... I'm pretty overwhelmed with how smooth things have been maintained to date, which gives me confidence that we can handle whatever is thrown at us...
I've added some more pictures of the house to our growing photo album. I'll update this with some of the pictures of the house when we'd just bought it so that you can get a real feel for just how big a transformation has occurred!
Enjoy your weekend!
Friday, 25 August 2006
Day 15: 4 cell embryo
After an early night, our excitement continues this morning: today we are going to be another step closer to our baby!
I feel all relaxed after my appointment with the acupuncturist last night. She stayed late, especially for me, so she could see me before the transfer and ensure the best possible circumstances for the embryo. How good is that! Embryo you are very welcome!
The hospital has some good news this morning; the embryo has divided into two cells and is a good quality embryo. I'm told that if we get to the hospital early, we can have a look at the Flonny in the making prior to the transfer.
When we arrive in the hospital, our enthusiastic embryo has already divided into four cells and we can see it under the microscope. It is really amazing to see our embryo. This little life in the making, this little wonder is a combination of our cells! Jonny squeezes my hand and we smile at each other.
The actual transfer takes less than 5 minutes. On a screen we follow the embryo being transferred to my uterus. They double check that it is not left in the small cathether. And that is it. Officially I'm not pregnant yet, but it feels very special to have come this far. In exactly two weeks time we can do a pregnancy test at home.
We leave the hospital smiling.
I feel all relaxed after my appointment with the acupuncturist last night. She stayed late, especially for me, so she could see me before the transfer and ensure the best possible circumstances for the embryo. How good is that! Embryo you are very welcome!
The hospital has some good news this morning; the embryo has divided into two cells and is a good quality embryo. I'm told that if we get to the hospital early, we can have a look at the Flonny in the making prior to the transfer.
When we arrive in the hospital, our enthusiastic embryo has already divided into four cells and we can see it under the microscope. It is really amazing to see our embryo. This little life in the making, this little wonder is a combination of our cells! Jonny squeezes my hand and we smile at each other.The actual transfer takes less than 5 minutes. On a screen we follow the embryo being transferred to my uterus. They double check that it is not left in the small cathether. And that is it. Officially I'm not pregnant yet, but it feels very special to have come this far. In exactly two weeks time we can do a pregnancy test at home.
We leave the hospital smiling.
Thursday, 24 August 2006
Day 14: What's cooking? Two pronuclei!
We could call the hospital between 11:30 and 12:30 to find out how many eggs had fertilised. It made me wonder, is there anybody that waits until 12:25 to call? Just to increase the tension a bit more? We agreed Jonny would call since I was too nervous.
For a change ready on time, I was sat next to the phone at 11:25 waiting for Jonny to call me with some news. He didn't. Which I assumed had to do with serious phone congestion after seven egg retrievals yesterday. At 11:49 I could not contain myself any longer and called him.
Slight miscommunication from my side, telling Jonny he could call the hospital between 12:30 and 13:30. It must have been a slip of the finger when I typed up the appoinment in Microsoft Outlook. Since he was in a meeting I offered to make the phone call myself after all.
So at 11:50 the labaratory informed me that one egg cell had fertilised! They told me they had a bit of a scare, since it turned out the other one was immature and had no chance of fertilising at all. The one would have to do! And it did. Assuming it will divide further (this usually happens), the return to the mothership is tomorrow afternoon. This we will find out at 10:00 tomorrow morning. At 11:53 I called Jonny again during his meeting to tell him we are still in the race.
For those of you that actually want to know what stage the our combined DNA is at: the pronucleus of the female cell (egg) and the pronucleus of the male cell (sperm) fuse together to form a normal diploid number of chromosomes (2N = 46 in humans).
The appearance of two pronuclei (2pn) is the first sign of successful fertilization and is usually observed 18 hours after the ICSI procedure.
The embryo is placed in a CO2 incubator with a controlled temperature that is the same as my body: 37 degrees C. The conditions in the incubator and the culture medium are designed to mimic the conditions in the fallopian tube, so that the embryo can grow happily in vitro. The culture medium contains various ingredients such as protein, salts, buffer and antibiotics which allow optimal growth of the embryo – like chicken soup for the embryo!
For a change ready on time, I was sat next to the phone at 11:25 waiting for Jonny to call me with some news. He didn't. Which I assumed had to do with serious phone congestion after seven egg retrievals yesterday. At 11:49 I could not contain myself any longer and called him.
Slight miscommunication from my side, telling Jonny he could call the hospital between 12:30 and 13:30. It must have been a slip of the finger when I typed up the appoinment in Microsoft Outlook. Since he was in a meeting I offered to make the phone call myself after all.
So at 11:50 the labaratory informed me that one egg cell had fertilised! They told me they had a bit of a scare, since it turned out the other one was immature and had no chance of fertilising at all. The one would have to do! And it did. Assuming it will divide further (this usually happens), the return to the mothership is tomorrow afternoon. This we will find out at 10:00 tomorrow morning. At 11:53 I called Jonny again during his meeting to tell him we are still in the race.
For those of you that actually want to know what stage the our combined DNA is at: the pronucleus of the female cell (egg) and the pronucleus of the male cell (sperm) fuse together to form a normal diploid number of chromosomes (2N = 46 in humans).
The appearance of two pronuclei (2pn) is the first sign of successful fertilization and is usually observed 18 hours after the ICSI procedure.The embryo is placed in a CO2 incubator with a controlled temperature that is the same as my body: 37 degrees C. The conditions in the incubator and the culture medium are designed to mimic the conditions in the fallopian tube, so that the embryo can grow happily in vitro. The culture medium contains various ingredients such as protein, salts, buffer and antibiotics which allow optimal growth of the embryo – like chicken soup for the embryo!
Wednesday, 23 August 2006
Day 13: The puncture
Today we performed probably the most physical part of the ICSI procedure. We arrived at the hospital nice and early (we expected there to be terrible traffic due to local road works, but it turned out to be eerily quiet in the streets) and got straight to work on producing a sperm sample.
Normally, the production of the sperm sample is not particularly fun. The hospital has a sterile little room set aside for the male partner to cough up his deposit, but the whole affair is normally a bit seedy. However, on this occasion (and the previous one too), Flo joined me in the room and assisted with ceremony, which made for a much more romantic, intimate and fun event which, most important, yielded a fruitful outcome.
After handing over the specimen to the lab, we found ourselves a spare bed and cubicle in which to perform some DIY acupuncture. The last time Flo went to see her acupuncturist, she showed her where and how to insert a couple of acupuncture needles in order to relax Flo's uterus prior to the puncture procedure. Flo showed me where and how to insert the disposable needles into her belly (normally I would be a bit hesitant sticking needles into bellies, but I must say that I've become quite accustomed to it now!)... so I did just that and for the next half hour, Flo rested on the bed and relaxed, letting the needles do their work. I don't know if it was the needles or whether Flo was just tired from a restless night and early rise, but she certainly seemed quite relaxed when we returned to the waiting room and... waited.
About twenty minutes later we were up. We shuffled into the now familiar procedure room and the doctor and nurse prepared for the procedure. It started with a quick look to see how things had progressed. Flo's follicles had continued to grow a little, but all five were still present. The doctor informed us that the results from the blood sample taken a couple of days ago indicated that Flo's hormone levels were a little high, indicating that the decision to stop the Menopure hormone injection a couple of days back was a good one.
After administering Flo with a mild sedative (which had the amusing effect of making Flo act a little drunk, slurring her words when she spoke), the puncture began. The procedure did not look at all comfortable for Flo, but I must say she handled it very well indeed... she was strong and brave and she almost crushed my hand because she squeezed it so hard. The procedure entails guiding a long hyperdermic needle (connected to a hose and a vacuum pump) using the ultrasound device that was previously used to view Flo's follicles. Having lined up the needle with the follicle, the doctor gives the needle a quick, sharp push and pierces each follicle in turn, sucking up it's contents through the tube and into a glass bottle on a side table. The contents of each follicle is predominantly fluid, but in each one it's hoped that there's an egg.
The puncture is painful, described as feeling like a hard punch to the stomach. Flo explained that it is more like a hard punch to the ovary. I hope that this is not as painful as a hard punch to the testicle, since not having ovaries, I'm not sure what a punch to these feels like. I know what a punch to the stomach feels like though... not as painful as a punch to the testicles, but painful nonetheless.
The procedure itself went surprisingly quick; about 10 minutes in total. Flo was then transferred from the gynecological chair (complete with stirrups) to a hospital bed and wheeled next door to a recovery room (to the same cubicle we'd used earlier for the acupuncture routine... so familiar surroundings in which to recover!). It took about 30 minutes for Flo to recover from the sedative, which was perfect timing for me to go and visit the lab for the preliminary results...
Two eggs were successfully recovered from the five follicles. Both Flo and I were a little disappointed with this outcome as we'd hoped that at least three or four would be recovered. However, we're both aware that we only need one good embryo to be returned, so there's still optimistic. Expressed mathematically (if you find maths boring then ignore the italic text)...
...the doctor informed us that there's an 80% chance that a suitable extracted egg will be fertilised and suitable for returning back to the womb. Therefore, since we have two eggs, there should be 96% chance that at least one of them is suitable for being put back (since there's an 80% chance that one will be OK, but if this one fails, then there's an 80% chance of the remaining 20% that the second egg will be suitable). However, there's only a 64% chance that both eggs will be fertilised and replaced.
There was good news however! I enquired as to the quality of my sperm sample... the lab guy went off and had a look and came back telling me that it wasn't very good, with only 400,000 (or 0.4 million) sperms. What he didn't realise however, is that all my previous results from the last three years have been hovering around the 20,000 mark (0.02 million), which actually means there's been a pretty big step change in the amount of sperm that I'm producing! I'd like to think that this is a direct result of the actions Flo and I have undertaken as part of "Project: baby making". These include: eating healthily; stopping drinking (except champagne of course); regularly exercising; eating organic food; taking the right supplements; undertaking alternative medicine to improve our body functions. Of course, it might just be the fact that Flo helped me with the specimen?
It's a really good feeling to have some real, measurable feedback that indicates an improvement in fertility... this has encouraged me to try even harder to control what I do and eat and improve things even further. However, it's still important to bear in mind that an average sperm count is 20 to 120 million, so even with my improved count, I'm still at best only 2% as fertile as average. So there's still lots of room for improvement!
Also, if this change in lifestyle has had such a positive response on my fertility (a 20 fold improvement), then it will undoubtedly be having a similar effect on Flo. I'm pretty amazed how quick Flo has recovered from her operation only a couple of months back and I'm surprised that we have got so far with this round of treatment. I'm very confident that if we went through the treatment again then we'd perform better, but given how well Flo has been doing now, I'm confident that there's a good chance of things working when the embryo is returned to the womb at the end of the week.
We find out tomorrow if the eggs have been successfully fertilised. Regardless, we start work on preparing Flo's womb for the embryo tonight with me continuing to inject the hormone Pregnyl into Flo's belly. Although we're both mentally strong and confident, we're both tired (mentally and physically... and Flo also has to deal with the soreness following today's procedure) and very anxious about finding out the results tomorrow.
Normally, the production of the sperm sample is not particularly fun. The hospital has a sterile little room set aside for the male partner to cough up his deposit, but the whole affair is normally a bit seedy. However, on this occasion (and the previous one too), Flo joined me in the room and assisted with ceremony, which made for a much more romantic, intimate and fun event which, most important, yielded a fruitful outcome.
After handing over the specimen to the lab, we found ourselves a spare bed and cubicle in which to perform some DIY acupuncture. The last time Flo went to see her acupuncturist, she showed her where and how to insert a couple of acupuncture needles in order to relax Flo's uterus prior to the puncture procedure. Flo showed me where and how to insert the disposable needles into her belly (normally I would be a bit hesitant sticking needles into bellies, but I must say that I've become quite accustomed to it now!)... so I did just that and for the next half hour, Flo rested on the bed and relaxed, letting the needles do their work. I don't know if it was the needles or whether Flo was just tired from a restless night and early rise, but she certainly seemed quite relaxed when we returned to the waiting room and... waited.About twenty minutes later we were up. We shuffled into the now familiar procedure room and the doctor and nurse prepared for the procedure. It started with a quick look to see how things had progressed. Flo's follicles had continued to grow a little, but all five were still present. The doctor informed us that the results from the blood sample taken a couple of days ago indicated that Flo's hormone levels were a little high, indicating that the decision to stop the Menopure hormone injection a couple of days back was a good one.
After administering Flo with a mild sedative (which had the amusing effect of making Flo act a little drunk, slurring her words when she spoke), the puncture began. The procedure did not look at all comfortable for Flo, but I must say she handled it very well indeed... she was strong and brave and she almost crushed my hand because she squeezed it so hard. The procedure entails guiding a long hyperdermic needle (connected to a hose and a vacuum pump) using the ultrasound device that was previously used to view Flo's follicles. Having lined up the needle with the follicle, the doctor gives the needle a quick, sharp push and pierces each follicle in turn, sucking up it's contents through the tube and into a glass bottle on a side table. The contents of each follicle is predominantly fluid, but in each one it's hoped that there's an egg.The puncture is painful, described as feeling like a hard punch to the stomach. Flo explained that it is more like a hard punch to the ovary. I hope that this is not as painful as a hard punch to the testicle, since not having ovaries, I'm not sure what a punch to these feels like. I know what a punch to the stomach feels like though... not as painful as a punch to the testicles, but painful nonetheless.
The procedure itself went surprisingly quick; about 10 minutes in total. Flo was then transferred from the gynecological chair (complete with stirrups) to a hospital bed and wheeled next door to a recovery room (to the same cubicle we'd used earlier for the acupuncture routine... so familiar surroundings in which to recover!). It took about 30 minutes for Flo to recover from the sedative, which was perfect timing for me to go and visit the lab for the preliminary results...
Two eggs were successfully recovered from the five follicles. Both Flo and I were a little disappointed with this outcome as we'd hoped that at least three or four would be recovered. However, we're both aware that we only need one good embryo to be returned, so there's still optimistic. Expressed mathematically (if you find maths boring then ignore the italic text)...
...the doctor informed us that there's an 80% chance that a suitable extracted egg will be fertilised and suitable for returning back to the womb. Therefore, since we have two eggs, there should be 96% chance that at least one of them is suitable for being put back (since there's an 80% chance that one will be OK, but if this one fails, then there's an 80% chance of the remaining 20% that the second egg will be suitable). However, there's only a 64% chance that both eggs will be fertilised and replaced.
There was good news however! I enquired as to the quality of my sperm sample... the lab guy went off and had a look and came back telling me that it wasn't very good, with only 400,000 (or 0.4 million) sperms. What he didn't realise however, is that all my previous results from the last three years have been hovering around the 20,000 mark (0.02 million), which actually means there's been a pretty big step change in the amount of sperm that I'm producing! I'd like to think that this is a direct result of the actions Flo and I have undertaken as part of "Project: baby making". These include: eating healthily; stopping drinking (except champagne of course); regularly exercising; eating organic food; taking the right supplements; undertaking alternative medicine to improve our body functions. Of course, it might just be the fact that Flo helped me with the specimen?
It's a really good feeling to have some real, measurable feedback that indicates an improvement in fertility... this has encouraged me to try even harder to control what I do and eat and improve things even further. However, it's still important to bear in mind that an average sperm count is 20 to 120 million, so even with my improved count, I'm still at best only 2% as fertile as average. So there's still lots of room for improvement!
Also, if this change in lifestyle has had such a positive response on my fertility (a 20 fold improvement), then it will undoubtedly be having a similar effect on Flo. I'm pretty amazed how quick Flo has recovered from her operation only a couple of months back and I'm surprised that we have got so far with this round of treatment. I'm very confident that if we went through the treatment again then we'd perform better, but given how well Flo has been doing now, I'm confident that there's a good chance of things working when the embryo is returned to the womb at the end of the week.
We find out tomorrow if the eggs have been successfully fertilised. Regardless, we start work on preparing Flo's womb for the embryo tonight with me continuing to inject the hormone Pregnyl into Flo's belly. Although we're both mentally strong and confident, we're both tired (mentally and physically... and Flo also has to deal with the soreness following today's procedure) and very anxious about finding out the results tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)