Get shorty

Before our little trip to Germany we went to a labour and delivery information evening at the local hospital. Whilst the actual event itself (labour and delivery I mean) is hopefully still mooooonths away, this was the only information evening in English. Which was really quite customer friendly of them.

The auditorium was completely packed with all Dutch couples who wanted to practise their English labour and delivery vocabulary who were due very soon, Anglo-Dutch combos like ourselves and lots of other nationalities. Irish, English, Nigerian and German at least.

We were given information about when to go to the hospital, what to take with you and what actually happens (err, birth?). I am afraid I have somehow managed to forget most of what was said and retained only the most useful facts:

- Make sure you have a two Euro coin with you for the wheelchairs. Walking can apparently be quite difficult with contractions five minutes apart and the maternity ward is far from the car park. I will start saving two Euro coins and putting them in every pocket and bag. Just in case.

- Labour can take long, so pack an apple or a Mars™ Bar for the munchies. I was rather puzzled by the actual mentioning of the brand name. Why not Twix, Crunchie or Snickers (aptly named Marathon in the UK until the early nineties)? Or maybe even something with any nutrional value all together?

- Where as we had mental images of the medical staff playing a bagpipe or a banjo at your bedside, instrumental deliveries turned out to be something completely different. It involves things placed on baby's head like a ventouse or a forceps (yuk!).

- No filming can be done until after the delivery. They did not explain why, but I suppose it is for your own protection. Who'd want their delivery all over YouTube? Meanwhile I have also forbidden Jonny to take pictures of me straight after birth. Call me superficial, but you hardly look your best after such a major physical effort.

- Take BIG knickers with you for afterwards. You loose a lot of blood for up to six (!) weeks after delivery. Those big maternity pads (yuk!) don't fit in g-strings apparently. Good job I have always been more of a shorty girl myself.

- You never pay for more than 6 hours for the car park whilst in labour and delivery. To get your money's worth I suppose you would have to draw out that five hour delivery a bit?

This last bit of information was actually the reply to a question asked by a lady who minutiously wrote down everything that was said. Now that is what I call preparation! However, I am quite sure she remembers all the really useful stuff too...

As it is, I a not really nervous about labour. Yet. Although I am not looking forward to the inevitably painful side of things, both my mother and my sister had really fast deliveries and I am hoping on a family tradition here. And a lot of pain for a short period of time seems bearable to me. Especially since we will finally get to meet our daughter!